Closing Doors

So many things are going through my head today, it's really hard to decide exactly what to write. My mood is kind of down today, too. I'm sure it's a combination of all the stuff we are dealing with right now, the fact that my dad left today, the fact that I didn't sleep well last night, and the knot in my neck that my chair/bed at the hospital gave me that just keeps getting worse and worse. I am so completely drained emotionally, all I want to do is curl up in bed and just lay there. After all the Christmas presents we've opened, my house is a disaster right now. It's covered with wrapping paper and boxes that I haven't ever picked up, and all the stuff that was in the boxes that I haven't had the kids put away. I sit here looking at it, and all I can think is that it will still be there tomorrow! At some point soon, I'm going to have to find some motivation to start working on getting back on top of my daily life, but now isn't that time! I just want to be lazy a little while longer!

I think the overwhelming theme for today was closing doors. And, no, I don't mean when it's the middle of December and you are holding the front door open calling to your friend across the street when your mom says, "Close that door! Are you trying to heat the whole neighborhood?" I'm talking about when God has been giving you signs or subtly pushing you in a direction different than the one you thought you were headed. Sometimes you can almost hear Him saying, "Close that door! Don't you know that's not the one I want you walking through??" 

Several years ago, when we were still in Oklahoma, our minister gave a sermon that has been resounding in my head for several days now. He was talking about how God tries to let us know which direction He wants us to go. It may be in a relationship. It may be in our jobs. It may be where we live. It could be anything. We may or may not pick up on what He's telling us. Sometimes we just don't hear Him. But, sometimes we hear Him, and choose not to listen because we don't like what He has to say. I think this is usually because His plans don't match up with ours. But, when He really wants us to get the message, He hits us in the face with a brick. Something that we absolutely can't ignore happens to make us listen to Him.

Personally, I think Matt and I have been hit by a couple bricks in the last couple weeks. I think God has been trying to tell Matt, individually, something that he didn't want to hear, and I think He's been trying to tell us something together that we didn't want to hear. But, when the brick hits you, you have no choice but to listen. We have been listening (now), and are making some changes that have really been in the works for awhile. Making life changes is never easy, but we know it is something that has to happen for our health (both physical and emotional) and for the happiness of us and our kids. I think it's easy to say you trust God's plan when it's aligned with yours. But, when they differ...not so easy. In fact, it is extremely difficult. But, in the end it is His plan, so there's really no point in fighting it, right?? If God is letting you know it's time to close doors, you better get them closed!! If you get to a point where they can be reopened, he'll let you know that as well!

I think by now, you guys know that I am greatly touched by songs. The one that is in my head right now is a Jeremy Camp song called, "Walk by Faith." It just makes me think about how God will lead us where he wants us to go if we just have the faith to listen and follow.

Would I believe You when You would say
Your hand will guide me every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I can not see
Well because this broken road
Prepares your will for me

Please continue to pray for Matt's health. He is getting better, but still gets really tired very quickly and is pretty weak still. He has his first appointment with his new primary care doctor tomorrow. We should get some new information about the battle we have ahead of us, so we are praying for good news there. As always, I will keep you updated!

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." -Psalm 32:8