Goodbye 2011...

Well...there are only about 5 hours left in 2011. I can't really say that I'm too sad about that. I think it is safe to say that 2011 has been the most difficult year to get through so far. We have had so many trials this year...Ashley's mental health battles, Matt's dad passing away, difficulties at work, more of Ashley's mental health battles, financial difficulties, contention with Matt's family, Ashley leaving, and finally, Matt's hospitalization. I have definitely learned not to say that things can't possibly get worse, because every time I do, they do. This has definitely been the year of praising in the storm and dancing in the rain! I have cried more this year, been at the end of my rope more this year, and been in survival mode more this year than any other year I can remember...

But, a lot of positive came from all the hard situations we went through.

For starters, the more I face difficult situations, the more I feel drawn to God. Needless to say, I feel closer to Him than I ever have before. I have truly had to place 100% trust and faith in Him and His plan. I have laid my worries and concerns on Him, and relied on His grace to sustain me. He is my lifeline, and I know that I can do anything, be anything, and get through anything when He is on my side!

I have also been drawn closer to Matt through all of this. I can only thank God for giving me such an amazing partner in life. I don't know of many couples that would have survived everything we have been through. Most would have either killed each other or thrown in the towel and walked away. But, we are different. When the chips get down, he is the first person I turn to. He is my anchor, and we get through things together. He gives me love and support like I never imagined possible. Every day I fall more in love with him, every day I feel closer to him, and every day I learn just how much we can actually endure when we do it together. Every trial we face only strengthens our love and committment.

For me, personally, I have learned just how strong I can be when I have to. I wish I had a nickel for everytime someone had said to me, "I just don't know how you do it all." I would be able to buy a private island and live on a beach somewhere for the rest of my life! But, I can't really blame people for asking me how I do it. I do have a lot on my plate. And, if I really stop and think about it, I get overwhelmed with everything I have to do on a daily basis. My answer to that question is easy, though. I don't do it by myself. God helps me with everything I do. It's truly amazing what you can accomplish with His help. By myself, I would never be strong enough to have made it through this year. I would have crumbled a long time ago. But God continues to show me how strong I can be if I lean on Him for help.

Even still, I am very ready to bid 2011 a fond farewell! I am thankful for the lessons I have learned and the positive things I have gained, but still ready to turn the page and start writing a new chapter! In the last few hours of 2011, here are my closing thoughts...

• Surround yourself with positive people. Life is too short to spend your time on people who tear you down and make you feel bad.
• Hold on to the people you love with all your heart. When things get tough, they are the ones who will hold you up.
• People are not always who or what they seem on the surface. Take your time to find out the truth before making assumptions or judgements.
• Love with all your heart, even if you get hurt in the process.
• Don't give up on the people you believe in. It may take awhile, but in the end they will not disappoint you.
• I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13
• And, most importantly...when you find yourself in the middle of a storm, continue to praise God!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

What a Day!!

WOW!!!! Today was such a roller coaster of emotions, I don't even know where to start! I guess I could just take you through the day we had and the emotions as they came... Or, better yet, let me start with the simplest things and work my way up to the big story of the day!

First, Matt had his first follow-up appointment with his new primary care doctor today. He told us the final biopsy results. They said that his liver issues were definitely induced my medicine. They are blaming the doxycycline he took for his leg infection before he ever went to the ER. (He was also given some while he was in the hospital on 2 different occasions.) So, that was a relief to know that the liver damage should correct itself, and there should not be any lifelong effects from it. This was a good thing!

Second, his primary care doctor wants him on the blood thinners for 3 months. At that time, we will probably do another scan to see if the blood clot is gone or if it is still there. If it isn't gone, he will have to stay on blood thinners longer. But, if it is gone, he will be done. We have heard several different time frames from different doctors about the blood thinners, and 3 months is the shortest one we've heard. Even though the clot could still be there after 3 months, it is still good news that we can recheck after 3 months instead of having to wait 6 months! It is also good news that, because of where his clot is, even if it dislodged, it wouldn't be fatal. It would still cause a ton of problems, but he would start having symptoms. We could go back to the doctor and they could treat him. It's not like a clot in your leg that can travel to your heart, lungs, or brain and kill you. So, that was good news, too!

The bloodwork they sent off after they found the clot is still not back yet. They were running tests to try to determine the cause of the clot. They are looking for genetic disorders or blood diseases that could make him prone to getting blood clots. Although they say it's unlikely that he could have a genetic disorder and not find out about it until he's 38, they also say it's highly unlikely that he would develop the clot as a complication of the liver biopsy. So, we are anxiously awaiting the results of the labs. Not finding out was a little disappointing. We are now hoping to have the results Friday when he has a follow-up appointment with the liver doctor. We are praying that this is a one-time thing, and that he does not have any kind of disease or disorder that would make the blood thinners a lifelong thing!

They also did new bloodwork today to check the levels of the blood thinning medication in his blood today. We have to call in the morning to get those results. If they are OK, he gets to stop giving himself shots twice a day! He will only have to take a pill once a day. We thought we were going to find out that answer today as well. So, we are a little nervous about those results. We are definitely praying that the shots can be a thing of the past!!!

We did find our today that Worker's Comp is actually going to cover all of these medical expenses!!! YAY!!!! They are also going to give Matt his time back, which is good since he was almost out of days!! God definitely stepped in on this one, because before today, they really weren't acting like they wanted to accept responsibility for all of this! We thought we were staring bankruptcy square in the eye, but now his medical expenses will be covered! We are PRAISING God for this one!!!

So....now I get to the biggest development of the day, and the one that has led us on the biggest emotional journey today. Kind of a long story, so bear with me!

Eighteen months ago, Matt got some wood lodged in his leg while serving a warrant at work. It got infected, so he went to the doctor. They gave him doxycycline and bactrim to treat it. He started feeling sick right away after starting the antibiotics. He went back to the doctor, and they discontinued the doxycycline. They put him on a different antibiotic, the infection went away, and he was fine. Fast forward to a month ago. The infection came back. He went back to same doctor because it was Worker's Comp. He was prescribed doxycycline and bactrim. After 2 days, Matt started feeling sick. He endured it for a week because it was happening over the Thanksgiving holoday. After 8 days on the antbiotics, while he was at a follow-up appointment, he told the doctor he hadn't been feeling weel and that something wasn't right. The doctor told him it could be a reaction to the doxy, but that he only had 2 days left, and if he could stand it, it would be best to finish it. So, Matt finished it. This follow-up appointment was on Tuesday. I took him to the ER on Friday. You know what happened from that point forward. But, today...the game changed...

For something completely unrelated, Matt had requested his complete medical records from this clinic in early November. They came just before he got sick, but we had never opened them. Today I heard him talking on the phone about how he remembered that the first time he had the leg infection, they had started him on one medicine but discontinued it. So, I went and found the envelope. I was curious what medicine it was. I started reading through the paperwork and was stunned when I read the notation that Matt had an adverse reaction to doxycycline 18 months ago. The clinic added it to his allergy list in their system, but never told Matt he was allergic to it. They just told him he wasn't tolerating it well, so they were changing it. From that day forward, it was written on every form from that clinic as an allergy. BUT...when he went there a month ago, they prescribed it to him anyway! AND when he went back complaining that he wasn't feeling well, they told him to keep taking it!!

This is where my emotional roller coaster comes in! My first reaction was one of shock. You mean they knew he was allergic to this and gave it to him anyway? But, then my I started thinking about it and was actually relieved. We left the hospital with only the speculation that his illness was medicine-induced since we didn't have the final biopsy results back. But, those results combined with my discovery about the allergy made me feel relieved that this was not caused by something they just couldn't find, and this is not something that will come back in the future. It's done, he's should get better, Stephanie finally exhales! However, my relief soon gave way to anger...and I mean real, raw, intense anger! Some stupid doctor missed ONE line on his chart and that caused all of this????? I'm not even a doctor, and I am smart enough to know that if a patient is allergic to something, you DON'T give it to them!! This stupid little mistake put my family through hell for 4 weeks! And, we aren't even done yet!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? I spent a good portion of my day being angry!! Everyone we talked to about it today mentioned a lawsuit, but I'm going to be honest, and you probably won't believe me. All I could think was that if that doctor would have just checked Matt's allergies in their system, none of this would have happened. I don't care about lawsuits or malpractice or money. I care about the fact that my husband was in the hospital for 21 days! I slept in chair/bed and missed work for 21 days! Blake cried every time he had to leave the hospital for 21 days! My mom had to live at our house for 21 days! Our lives were turned upside down and we were put through hell because of a stupid oversight! It is infuriating! If the dang doctor would have just done his job, none of this would have happened!

Ironically, just before I discovered this information, I was listening to my Casting Crowns radio on Pandora. A song came on that really spoke to me, as it always does, and I looked it up on YouTube. It is the song, "Saviour, Please" by Josh Wilson. After all of this happened, and I was trying to let go of the anger and focus on the positives (because the glass IS always half-full, you know!) these particular lyrics were ringing in my head:

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone
God, I need you to hold on to me

I can be pretty strong, but there are definitely times when my strength alone just isn't enough, and I think this is one of them. When I sat and watched my husband and kids suffer for so long, it is extremely difficult to not be filled with anger for the person that caused it. I am trying with all my heart and soul to turn it over to God, but it is not easy. If there was ever a time I needed God's help, this is it. I can NOT do this by myself. I have to have His help or the anger will consume me. I have been working on this all day, and will continue to work on it for a very long time! I am trying to focus on the positive aspects of this (half-full...half-full...half-full), but it takes constant reminders and concious efforts to change my thoughts throughout the day. And, I know Matt is fighting the same battle, because we have talked about it several times today. When we just didn't have an explanation for why he was sick, that was OK. But, now that we know this whole thing could have been avoided....well, let's just say we need your prayers to help us reach a level of peace with this!

When you are praying today, please tell God, "Thanks!" for the fact that it was only a reaction to a medicine that caused this! The thought of going through this again is mind-numbing, and I am SO thankful that I now know that I don't have to worry about that! Please also tell Him, "Thanks!" that Workman's Comp has accepted the financial responsibility for this! That is such a HUGE weight off of our shoulders! I really didn't know how we would ever be able to pay all of these bills. Then, find at least 10 more things to thank Him for. We still need help with a lot of things, but right now I want to make sure He gets thanked for everything He has blessed us (and you) with before we make any more requests! (Thank you, Joyce Meyer Ministries for the suggestion!) God is great, and I want to make sure I keep that in mind, even when the storms are raging!!

Closing Doors

So many things are going through my head today, it's really hard to decide exactly what to write. My mood is kind of down today, too. I'm sure it's a combination of all the stuff we are dealing with right now, the fact that my dad left today, the fact that I didn't sleep well last night, and the knot in my neck that my chair/bed at the hospital gave me that just keeps getting worse and worse. I am so completely drained emotionally, all I want to do is curl up in bed and just lay there. After all the Christmas presents we've opened, my house is a disaster right now. It's covered with wrapping paper and boxes that I haven't ever picked up, and all the stuff that was in the boxes that I haven't had the kids put away. I sit here looking at it, and all I can think is that it will still be there tomorrow! At some point soon, I'm going to have to find some motivation to start working on getting back on top of my daily life, but now isn't that time! I just want to be lazy a little while longer!

I think the overwhelming theme for today was closing doors. And, no, I don't mean when it's the middle of December and you are holding the front door open calling to your friend across the street when your mom says, "Close that door! Are you trying to heat the whole neighborhood?" I'm talking about when God has been giving you signs or subtly pushing you in a direction different than the one you thought you were headed. Sometimes you can almost hear Him saying, "Close that door! Don't you know that's not the one I want you walking through??" 

Several years ago, when we were still in Oklahoma, our minister gave a sermon that has been resounding in my head for several days now. He was talking about how God tries to let us know which direction He wants us to go. It may be in a relationship. It may be in our jobs. It may be where we live. It could be anything. We may or may not pick up on what He's telling us. Sometimes we just don't hear Him. But, sometimes we hear Him, and choose not to listen because we don't like what He has to say. I think this is usually because His plans don't match up with ours. But, when He really wants us to get the message, He hits us in the face with a brick. Something that we absolutely can't ignore happens to make us listen to Him.

Personally, I think Matt and I have been hit by a couple bricks in the last couple weeks. I think God has been trying to tell Matt, individually, something that he didn't want to hear, and I think He's been trying to tell us something together that we didn't want to hear. But, when the brick hits you, you have no choice but to listen. We have been listening (now), and are making some changes that have really been in the works for awhile. Making life changes is never easy, but we know it is something that has to happen for our health (both physical and emotional) and for the happiness of us and our kids. I think it's easy to say you trust God's plan when it's aligned with yours. But, when they differ...not so easy. In fact, it is extremely difficult. But, in the end it is His plan, so there's really no point in fighting it, right?? If God is letting you know it's time to close doors, you better get them closed!! If you get to a point where they can be reopened, he'll let you know that as well!

I think by now, you guys know that I am greatly touched by songs. The one that is in my head right now is a Jeremy Camp song called, "Walk by Faith." It just makes me think about how God will lead us where he wants us to go if we just have the faith to listen and follow.

Would I believe You when You would say
Your hand will guide me every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I can not see
Well because this broken road
Prepares your will for me

Please continue to pray for Matt's health. He is getting better, but still gets really tired very quickly and is pretty weak still. He has his first appointment with his new primary care doctor tomorrow. We should get some new information about the battle we have ahead of us, so we are praying for good news there. As always, I will keep you updated!

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." -Psalm 32:8

Dancing in the Rain

I have a new motto..."Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."

I think it is safe to say that Matt and I would be waiting forever if we just sat back and waited for the storms to pass. Every time we think the rain is letting up, a new storm moves in. Sometimes it is just a light shower and sometimes it's an F5 tornado. Sometimes the rain lasts a day and sometimes it lasts for months or years. But, I am really starting to believe that it never actually stops. When you let yourself actually stop and think about it, it can be really depressing. I mean, rain every single day of your life? Maybe the people in Seattle are OK with that, but here in North Texas...not so much!  :) But...you know...it really doesn't bother me. In fact, I think it's a good thing! (This would be the point at which Matt would refer to me as his "glass-is-half-full" girl!!) Let me explain...

I honestly believe that every challenge God lays before us has a purpose. He may be trying to teach us something. He may be trying to develop a characteristic in us that is weak. He may be trying to lessen a characteristic in us that is too strong. He may be trying to prepare us for something we will face in the future. But, no matter what He is trying to do, it will make us better. If we gain the right things from a challenge, we become stonger, better people who are better prepared for what lies ahead. When you look at difficult times this way, it completely changes the game. At least for me, it can make difficult times a little easier, and can bring some sensibility to situations that seem senseless otherwise. Lots of people sit back, feel sorry for themselves, and continuously ask God why He is doing this to them. I say those are the people who miss the lesson entirely. And...guess what...if you don't learn it the first time, He's going to give you another opportunity to learn it!!

Unfortunately, we have a new storm raging. We still have Matt's health to deal with (still needing prayers). We are still staring down the barrel of some pretty substantial financial challenges (more prayers, please) And, now we have some very emotional things going on with our oldest daughter and Matt's family (really needing prayers!). With all of this going on, it seems pretty obvious to me that we have two choices right now:
#1) Complain about how horrible things are. Stress about each situation despite the fact that we have no control over any of them. Allow the negativity to invade our lives and overshadow all of the good things that are going on.
OR
#2) Do what we can to make the most positive impact possible on each situation. Look for the lesson we are supposed to be learning. Then turn the rest of it over to God, and use all that extra time and energy to practice our rain dancing!

I don't know about you, but the choice is easy for me! I have gotten pretty good at letting God do my worrying for me lately! (My husband still needs some work in that department!) Ultimately, He is the one controlling the outcome anyway, right? So, it really is His worry in the first place. For me to worry about it would be pointless because it won't effect anything that is going to happen. It will only make me (and everyone else around me!) really miserable in the meantime.

I wish I could say that my outlook meant that difficult situations didn't upset me, but I'd be a liar if I did. Of course I get upset. In fact, the recent events in our lives have made me so emotional that I cried three times tonight when we were watching, "We Bought a Zoo." (I know, I know...completely dorky!!) But, the difference is, I don't let the negative emotions consume me. I deal with them, give them to God...and then, I dance!! Please say a prayer that my dancing shoes don't get worn out!!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! This has been one of my favorite holiday experiences ever, and I really hope you can say the same thing! I'm not sure if it is because of our recent hospital experience, the scare of not being home for Christmas, or something completely different, but I have viewed Christmas through completely different eyes this year.

For starters, let me say that this was, by far, the most thrown together, do the mininum, last minute Christmas we have ever had! But, at the same time...I wouldn't change it for the world! I made everything as "normal" as possible for my family in the time I had avaialble...which wasn't much. It goes all the way back to a week ago when I left the hospital for a couple hours to decorate the tree with the kids. I didn't get all of the decorations out. In fact, all I got out was the tree, the stockings, and the mantle decorations. I didn't have a lot of time, so I just got out the smallest amount I could get out without interfering with our holiday traditions. But, it still looked beautiful (at least to me), and felt like Christmas.

As for presents, I only had 2 days to shop! That's not much. Now, even though I have done 100% of my shopping on Christmas Eve before, it felt much different this year. I guess that's maybe just because it wasn't by choice. I don't know. But, I did the best I could with the time I had. Now, this did mean I had to give a couple people IOU's and tell some that gifts would be late getting in the mail. But...inside my little house with my little family, I pretty much did what I needed to do. In fact, my kids were happier today when we were opening presents than they have ever seemed before!

Now Christmas dinner...yes, we still had it. I mean, we do every year, so we had to! It's a tradition, and I definitely did NOT want to break tradition this year!  But it was very minimal! (Especially since my oven is broken and I didn't get to get it fixed before today since we were in the hospital.) We had the basics...turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green bean caserole (Matt's favorite), and fruit salad. But, half of us were still in our jammies when we ate at 2:00 this afternoon! The formality of it went out the window so that Matt would still be comfortable, but the important part was that we still had our Christmas dinner!

But I have to say that our Christmas Eve traditions are the ones, out of everything we have done this weekend, that touched me the most and will stick with me forever. We ALWAYS get the kids in their PJ's, put out cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for the reindeer, read "Twas the Night Before Christmas," and tuck the kids in bed. This has been our ritual for years...since Ashley and Chelsea were tiny. Following our normal pattern, Lindsay and Blake changed, and chose cookies to put out for Santa. They didn't even care that the cookies they had to choose from were several store-bought packages that people brought me in the hospital and one set of homemade cookies my sister-in-law made and brought to us, but none that we made by us together like we usually do. They each chose a couple and got out some carrots and some milk. The book we usually read that belonged to my grandmother is in a box that didn't get pulled out in my mad dash to get the tree decorated, so I found an ebook I could pull up on the iPad. The kids didn't even care! So, we all got on the couch. Matt was sitting on my left, Lindsay on my right, and Blake on my lap. Blake had his head laying on my left shoulder, and Lindsay had her head laying on my right shoulder. I was holding the iPad, and Matt (as he does every year) was reading. As he was reading, all I could think was, "God, thank you so much for making this moment in time possible!" I was so overcome with emotion, I had tears rolling down my face the whole time Matt was reading. I mean, only 48 hours prior to that, we didn't even know if we were going to be home for Christmas. So, as I sat, holding my baby girl and baby boy, listening to the love of my life read the story I've listened to him read to our kids for 14 years, I was completely overcome. Usually, I mouth the words while he reads. I've heard the story so many times, I know it by heart. But, last night was different. All I could think about was how amazing it was that God had given me the amazing opportunity to sit on that couch, at that moment, with the man I love and two of our kids, making a memory that will stay with me until the day I die. After that, I very thankfully tucked them into bed, and then went to bed myself.

Today was pretty amazing, too! This morning, Lindsay and Blake tried to wake me up at the crack of dawn like they usually do; my mom came over, which was awesome since she actually lives only 20 minutes away from us now; and Chelsea came back from her dad's, which made my day perfect! We all opened gifts, and this evening my dad and my little brother came to stay a few days. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many people and so much love. Tonight was the first time I've seen my Daddy since Thanksgiving. I'm not gonna lie, when I hugged him...I lost it. I think when, as a woman, I am in a position that requires me to be the strong one for so long, it is refreshing to be able to lean on the strength of my dad! I am so glad he got to come donw!

All in all, I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas! And, I think the best part is that the heart and soul of this holiday is the birth of Jesus, who is the One who pulled me through the last 3 weeks in the first place. After all the help He gave me during all of our storms this month, it seems only fitting that we close the month by celebrating His birth. I mean, I can't even imagine the last month without His help! He is amazing!

Have you ever felt like your heart was so full of love and happiness it was going to explode?? Yeah...it's pretty great, isn't it???

First Day Back at Home

Well, we have been home for about 36 hours now, and Matt seems to be OK. He is still really weak, and he isn't feeling completely fabulous yet. But, at least we are home! I am trying to stay on top of his medicine (and there is a lot of it!) to make sure he takes everything he's supposed to take when he's supposed to take it. I'm also trying to keep his spirits up, which can be a daunting task at times! My brother and his family came down for a couple days, which really helped in that area! New faces just seem to provide lots of conversation that is completely unrelated to Matt being sick. That gets his mind off of things by itself! But then you add 2 more little ones to the mix, and I think it is next to impossible to be sad or down! Plus, I had some badly needed girl time with my sister-in-law over some long overdue vino until about 2am last night! That definitely helped my mental state, which will, in turn, help Matt's as well!

We are trying to adjust to this whole blood thinner thing, too. It seems like there were so many warnings about what to watch out for and what to avoid. It's almost like he's made out of fragile china and has to be handled with kid gloves. I know that's not the case, but on the heels of 21 days in the hospital, I think it's safe to say we are a little paranoid about something else going wrong. Every little twitch or pain that Matt has makes him nervous. I don't think he fully believes the doctors when they say that he doesn't have to worry about the clot breaking loose and traveling somewhere else since he's already on blood thinners. So, he's really paying attention to every tiny little thing he feels, just in case it may be a sign that something bad is going on. I just keep reassuring him that he is OK, and that if something really is wrong, he'll know it. I also keep trying to tell him that he needs to find a way to let go of some of his stress, and let God do his worrying for him. But, he's really having a hard time doing that. So, if you say a prayer for him today, please ask God to help him with that! Stress is the LAST thing he needs to spend his energy on right now!

As for me, I am about to head out to brave the Christmas Eve crowds to finish my Christmas shopping! Finish???  OK, who am I kidding? I've barely started! AHHH!!!! But, I have started! So, that is definitely a plus! But, I'm pretty sure today is going to be a long day for me! In all of this craziness we've been going through, I just really want tomorrow to be as normal as possible for Matt and the kids! So, I plan on shopping til I drop (and dragging my mom along with me!), coming home to wrap EVERYTHING (with the help of Lindsay and Blake, of course!), and then making sure everything is ready for tomorrow. Oh, and I will also squeeze in about a million prayers of thanks that we are home so that I even get to worry about running around like a crazy person shopping at the last minute! God doesn't always answer your prayers the way you want him to, but I am SO glad that this time He did!!

Finally Going Home!!

After 21 days, our hospital stay is finally coming to an end! Last night we were both afraid that the blood clot they found in Matt's liver would keep him here longer. But, thank goodness, it isn't! So, in the next hour or so, we are going home!!!

So, what about the clot? It does have to be treated, or it could turn into something that is very serious. They are drawing blood before we leave to run some tests. They are trying to determine if Matt has some kind of genetic condition or disorder that would have caused the blood clot. If he does, he will pretty much stay on blood thinners the rest of his life. If he doesn't, there really isn't a solid explanation for why he got the clot in the first place, and they will consider it to be a one time thing. In that case, he will have to be on blood thinners for 3-6 months. At some point, they will recheck it with another MRI. If the clot is gone, he is done, and we move on. If it isn't gone, he stays on the blood thinners longer.

We are both so relieved that we are finally going home! And, we are both relieved that the blood clot isn't dangerous or life-threatening! However, I think we are about to begin a whole new series of challenges in the wake of this diagnosis.

First, blood thinners = light duty. Now, to most people that doesn't seem like a big deal. But, to anyone who has been close to a cop...especially an extreme alpha male cop like my husband...this is a huge deal! Riding a desk, not being able to work the street can be very demeaning. For a little while it's OK, but if it's long-term...  Let's just say it can pretty difficult to deal with. I mean, Matt didn't become a cop because he wants to push paper! And, there's the National Guard on top of the police department. He's not going to be able to anything in the field with the Guard either. At least in the near future, this one little blood clot is going to be pretty life-altering.

Second, light duty = no off duty job. Again, this may not seem like a big deal. But, financially... I don't even like to think about it. This whole time I've been telling Matt not to worry about money. Money is something that we can handle. (He's already been worried about it because I've been getting docked since 12/8, and 21 days in the hospital is going to come with a pretty hefty price tag.) And, I really, truly do believe that money is not something we need to excessively stress over. But, this whole off-duty thing in just another blow that will be pretty difficult to overcome. I'm already running different scenarios through my head about what we are going to have to do. But, right now, I'm keeping my focus on getting my baby better!  I know that God will provide, and we will be fine. We always are because He always does!

I really want to say a huge
THANK YOU
again to every one of you who has been praying for Matt! Please continue to keep him in your prayers as we go home and begin to heal him and face new challenges! The next time you hear from me...it will be from our house!! Woooo-hooooo!!!!!

Matt: Riding the Roller Coaster

So, right as I was hitting the "Post" button for my last update, the nurse came in and announced that he had a new medicine for Matt. We asked him what it was, and he said that it was an injection that is used to dissolve blood clots. I asked him if it was just ordered, and he said that it was. So, being pretty intelligent people, Matt and I were able to deduce fairly quickly that the MRI must have found a blood clot. After a few phone calls, we did find out for sure that the preliminary report from the MRI did show a small blood clot in his liver. This, of course, prompted a whole new set of questions for us. How do you treat this? Why does he have this? How does this effect when he will go home?

Right now, we don't have answers. We have some speculation and some possibilities. But, until the liver team sees the final MRI report tomorrow and starts making decisions, we won't know anything definite. What we do know is that this is not life-threatening or dangerous, so that is definitely a good thing!!

I'm almost starting to think that God is testing me to see if I can really walk the walk. It seems like very time I say I'm ready for whatever news will come, and that I will keep my faith in God no matter what, something happens that really puts that to the test. Well, I can tell you right now that an MRI result doesn't even come close to shaking my faith. It is just one more thing that Matt and I have to conquer together. I am still praising and still praying, and will continue to do so! Everyone always says that God never gives you more than you can handle, and I think I am living proof that this is true!

"No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing He will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it." -1 Corinthians 10:13

Please keep the prayers coming!!!!

Matt: Day 20...Still Here

Well, we had some more good news today! The results from Matt's liver biopsy came in, and it looks like it was medicine induced. They are blaming it one the doxycycline (antibiotic) that he took both 4 weeks ago for the original infection on his leg and while he was here in the hospital. They are adding it, and some other closely related antibiotics, to his allergy list. The good news about that is that this was a one-time thing, he should get better quickly, and we should NEVER have to deal with this again! It is so crazy to me to think that one little container of pills could cause so much pain and grief for a person for so long! But, I don't think we could have asked for better results from the biopsy! We did get an answer AND it was a good one! I can't help but think that the hundreds and thousands of prayers that have been said for him over the last 20 days had something to do with that! There is no way we can ever repay every single one of you for every single prayer that was said, but we can definitely pay it forward! And, you can be sure that I will be doing that every single day!

They did finally come and get him for his MRI, but not until 5:00. He was down there for 2 1/2 hours! The first machine got messed up while they were doing the test, so they had to move him to a different one and start over. Needless to say, we won't get the results tonight. But, we should get them in the morning...which means we should be headed home in the morning!!! Of course, I am assuming that the MRI is clear, but I am feeling very optimistic tonight! We are having this trend of good news, and I feel like it's going to continue!

But...just to be on the safe side...please continue to pray for Matt! I know I am! We are almost out of the woods, but not quite. Every prayer is heard, and we can still use a few more! (Oh...and I'm pretty sure I will continue asking for them once we are home while he is recovering, too!!) But for now, we will take prayers for a clear MRI and a drive back to Arlington tomorrow!

I really can't explain what I am feeling right now. I have been sitting in this chair/bed (if you've had to stay in a hospital, you know what I'm talking about!) for 20 days now, watching my partner in life suffer. The whole time I have felt completely helpless and unable to do anything to help him. I have ridden an emotional roller coaster that makes the Texas Giant look like a merry-go-round. But, what I am realizing now, and what I think I really knew all along, is that I really was not helpless. I really was able to do something to help him. In fact, I had the most important job of all, even more important that the doctors who were treating him. My job was to keep God involved. I prayed every day (many, many times). I asked all of you to pray every day (many, many times). And, I kept encouraging Matt to put his trust in God and His plan as it was unfolding every day (many, many times). When that reality hit me today, I was a little overwhelmed! I have felt God in this room with us all along, but today it was like he wrapped his arms around me and said, "See, I told you I was really here!" I know the MRI may still show something bad, but it's OK if it does. I'm ready for whatever tomorrow brings!

Matt: Day 20...Possible Good News!!

I know this update is really early...but I just had to share this one! We have been receiving nothing but bad news for so long now (20 days to be precise!) that even the prospect of good news is worth sharing right away!

So, about last night's tests...The CT scan they did showed what they thought was a blood clot in Matt's liver. So, they ordered an ultrasound. The ultrasound didn't show anything. That should be good news! But, just to be safe, they have ordered an MRI today to double check. The doctor said an MRI with contrast is the most effective way to identify blood clots, so we are waiting on that now.

The unquestionable good news we had is that BOTH of his liver enzymes went DOWN today!!! This is what we have been waiting on for a week!! And...this leads to the best potential news of all!! WE MAY BE GOING HOME SOON!!!!!! But, there a lot of things that still have to fall into place for that to happen...

IF...the MRI comes back clear,
IF...the liver doctors are OK with him going home before the biopsy results come back,
THEN...we go home today!!!

OR

IF...the MRI comes back clear,
IF...the liver doctors are not OK with him going home before the biopsy results come back,
IF...the biopsy results come back OK,
THEN...we go home tomorrow!!

Still a lot of things that have to happen before we actually walk out of this place, but at least there is finally what seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel!! In fact, I have had a song by Matt Redman stuck in my head all morning: "I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on. And there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes, still I will praise You!" The troubles haven't ended just yet, and I know that even when we go home, this still isn't over. It will take time for him to get back to 100%. But I will keep praising God and holding on...whether we get the answers we want today or not! (But I really hope we do!)

Please continue to pray that things keep moving in the right direction! Like I have said before, we know that God hears every single prayer that is said! He may finally be answering us! I will definitely keep you posted on this one!!!

Matt: Day 19

Well, today started off with some news that may actually be positive. One of Matt's liver enzymes was down slightly today. However, the other still went up. So, we have to wait and see if the one still rising will follow suit with the other one and start going down, or if it was just a fluke, and they are both still going up. I'm always the optimist of the two of us, so I am saying they are both going to go down! If that happens, we should get to go home, so say a few prayers for him in that respect!

The rest of the day really wasn't that fabulous. He has still been in a lot of pain from the biopsy. He didn't sleep well last night because he just couldn't get comfortable. He's been having to take a lot of pain medicine again, which is driving him crazy because he was completely off of it prior to yesterday. And, even with the pain medicine, he's still hurting. Because his pain was broader and longer-lasting than the liver doctor felt like it should have been, they ordered a CT scan of his liver today. They wanted to make sure he wasn't bleeding from the biopsy. After they did the CT scan, they ordered an unltrasound of his liver. They told him while they were doing it that they saw something, but, of course, wouldn't say anything more than that. We have to wait for the "official" read from the doctor, which probably won't come until tomorrow. We are also still waiting on the results of the biopsy. Hopefully, we will have those tomorrow as well. Needless to say, tensions are a little high right now as we wait on all the results. So, saw a few prayers in that respect, too!

The closer we get to Christmas, the harder it gets to sit in this room, just staring at the walls. Distractions are hard to come by, too. I mean there's only so much "Law and Order" and "Today" that one can watch! We are VERY burned out on TV, but that's just about all we have to do. I think we've exhausted Redbox and the hospital's DVD collection! We play Words with Friends a lot. (yes, we are those people who sit right next to each other playing games on the computer/phone!) But, we had several visitors today, which was nice. It is always such a relief to me to know that Matt is going to be distracted and cheered up, even if it's only for awhile. As much as I can't stand listening to all of his cop stories and National Guard stories, I would listen to them around the clock if it meant he felt better!!

Please keep praying for us! But, today...I really want to ask that you focus your prayers on Matt. We still need prayers for his healing, of course. But, I think right now he needs prayers to help him stay positive and strong even more. He feels like he is almost at his breaking point. And...to be honest, I can't really blame him. As hard as this has been for me, I'm not the one who has been laying in a hospital bed in pain for the last 19 days. I'm doing my best to keep his spirits lifted, but he could really use God's help in that area!

Hopefully tomorrow I will have some good news to report as the test results start coming in!

Matt: Day 18

Today has been a loooong day! Matt had his liver biopsy done around noon. The morning was tough because we didn't know for sure when they were going to do it, and we were both somewhat nervous about the procedure. After he was done, he had to lay flat for 4 hours, which was no problem because he didn't feel like sitting up or trying to do anything anyway. He has been very uncomfortable since the procedure was done. The site of the biopsy is pretty painful and he has been nauseated from the anesthesia. The pain medicine is providing a little relief, but really not enough. I am hoping they can at least keep him comfortable through the night so he can rest. Tomorrow should be better as far as the pain goes.

So, now we are playing the waiting game. We are waiting to see if his liver enzymes continue to rise. (Today they were at 680 and 400. They rose more yesterday than they have before.) We've been told that it really isn't concerning until either they reach 1000 or the other 2 things the check daily start getting out of whack. So far, they have been normal, which means that his liver function isn't being effected yet. We are also waiting on the biopsy results. They are not letting us go home until we get them. We should know something by Wednesday or Thursday. Once we have the results, we should find out what the plan of action and how much more hospitalization that plan will require. Of course, we are hoping for the best on that one!

We still need prayers, and we are still saying prayers. God IS listening to each and every one of them. The difficult part is patiently waiting for His answers, and blindly trusting His plan. But...that is exactly what we are doing! ♥

Matt: Day 18...Biopsy

Matt is back from the biopsy. Everything went very smoothly. He is in some pain from it, but they've given him pain medicine, and he is pretty much out of it. He should start feeling better in a few hours. Now we just start the waiting game for the results. We should know something Wednesday or Thursday.

Matt: Day 17

Today was somewhat uneventful, until about 4:00. Then it got very busy! We started out this morning with the news that we pretty much knew was coming, but had really hoped wouldn't. Matt's liver enzymes went up yet again today. So, he is for sure having the liver biopsy tomorrow. They seem somewhat confident that this procedure will provide some answers, even if we only find out why the enzymes keep going up. There is a slight chance that we still won't know anything, even after the biopsy, but that isn't likely. And, it may not explain everything that has been going on, but we should at least know why his liver is acting up.

Overall, he is feeling OK. A lot of his initial symptoms are starting to either go away or at least become tolerable. But, they will not send him home until one of two things happen. One...they diagnose what's causing it and can treat it. Two...the enzymes start going back down and get close to normal range. But, at least for now he is feeling better, so that's good. We are taking the positives anywhere we can find them right now!

We did have several visitors today, which definitely helped! But, I also had to leave him to go put up and decorate the Christmas tree with the kids. That did NOT help. I sent him pictures as we were doing it, and my mom filmed the whole thing. But, when I got back and he watched the video, it only made him want to be home that much more. It was pretty hard doing without him, too. Blake kept saying, "I wish Daddy was here." It just wasn't the same without him. It's the first time in 13 years we haven't done the tree together. I'm really glad I got to go home and do it with the kids, so I am grateful for that. But, I'm not gonna lie, it sucked having to do it without Matt.

Right now, I am focusing on keeping a positive outlook on all of this. I am still praying that he willl be home for Christmas. But, like I told Blake when he asked me tonight, if Daddy isn't home by Christmas, then we will take Christmas to him! We will NOT do Christmas without Daddy. It may not be ideal, but we will make the best of it! I am clinging to the positive things as they come, and giving God the rest. I did crater some this weekend, but I am regaining my strength and refocusing on letting God do my worrying for me, especially as we start week 3 in the hospital.

Again, I am asking for your prayers. If you've been keeping up with these daily updates, and I know most of you have been, you already know what to pray for. I'm not being specific today. Just please pray! Prayers our my/our lifeline right now! One of my life mottos has always been, "Fear is the absence of faith." That has never been more applicable to any situation in my life than this moment in time right now. ♥

Matt: Day 16

Today has been an emotional one. It started off this morning when the doctor came in and said that Matt's liver enzymes rose again. This pretty much makes the liver biopsy on Monday inevitable. Needless to say, Matt's spirits have been very down today. A visit from Lindsay helped for awhile, but staring at these 4 walls day in and day out is getting to him.

I left for awhile to go watch Chelsea play volleyball. It was great while it lasted! But, for some reason, leaving them REALLY got me today. Blake didn't want to leave, and got pretty upset. Usually, I can maintain when he does that, but today I lost it. Then, I hugged Chelsea, and both of us lost it. Ditto when I hugged my mom. I was crying like a baby when I got in my car and left, and for awhile after that. I try really hard not to break down in front of Matt or the kids, but today I just couldn't help it. Ever since then, I've been a little blah myself. I guess it's necessary to let down every once in awhile, But, I also know that their emotional state is directly effected by mine. I try to stay positive and upbeat as much as I can, but I think that the reality that holiday traditions, like decorating the tree, are going to have to happen without him this year is really getting to me. I just want this all to be over. I want them to find out what is wrong with him, treat him, and send us home, so we can all get back to our lives!

Please continue to pray for us. To be honest, prayer is the only thing keeping me going right now. I am so thankful to have the faith that I have, as I think I would have crumbled by now without it....we all would have. I think right now, we need prayers to stay positive, strong, and uplifted more than anything else. But ANY prayer for ANYTHING related to ANY of us is greatly appreciated!

Matt: Day 15

Matt is feeling better for the most part. He still has spurts where the pain gets pretty bad, but overall, he is feeling ok. However, his liver enzymes doubled from yesterday to today. So...we are here at least until Monday. If they continue to increase over the weekend, they are probably going to do a liver biopsy on Monday. If they start going down over the weekend, there is a chance he will get discharged Monday. So, we are knee-deep in the waiting game.

I'm doing everything I can to keep his spirits up, but that is hard. He had several visitors today, which gave him a really good distraction for several hours and lifted his spirits for awhile. But, I think the walls of this room are starting to close in on him! We did walk down to the gift shop today, and we actually went down to cafeteria and ate lunch there, which helped some too. But, visitors always perk him up, so if you are going to be in the north Dallas area this weekend, feel free to drop in and see him!

Please continue praying for us! The longer this thing drags on, the more we need all the help we can get to stay strong and get through it! Please pray for Matt's health, the doctors who are treating him, and for our kids. Chelsea, Lindsay, and Blake have really been through it over the last two weeks, and they can really use your prayers, especially as we are getting so close to Christmas.

Thank you so much for all of your support, love, and prayers! We have amazing friends and family, and I really don't think we could make it through all of this without all of you!

Matt: Day 15...Visitors?

I have had lots of people asking if Matt's allowed to have visitors. The answer is a resounding YES!!!! In fact, visitors are VERY welcome! It gives him a good distraction, and it always lifts his spirits! So, if you are in the north Dallas area, stop by and say, "Hi!" And, if your not in the north Dallas area, but aren't too far away from the north Dallas area, jump in the car and come see him! I know he will appreciate it!

Matt: Day 15...Just a Quote

‎"The flower that follows the sun does so even in cloudy days."
~Robert Leighton

Matt: Day 14

Well, I'm not gonna lie. Today has been a little hard. We did get some results back today that are steering the ship a little differently than before. They noticed that Matt's liver enzymes have been steadily increasing since we got here, which indicates something is going on there. We also found out his ANA test was positive, which indicates there could be some kind of autoimmune something going on. So, we now have a team of liver specialists and a rheumatology team involved. They are looking at a whole new set of possible disorders/viruses. Hopefully the additional lab work will provide some answers. But, in the meantime, we are NOT going home. They need to keep an eye on his liver enzymes to see if they keep going up before they just send him home.

He isn't feeling any better than yesterday either. In fact, last night was rough, too. He ran a fever for awhile, and his abdominal pain was bothering him a lot. He had a hard time sleeping because of it. He's been OK today, but on the heels of finding out all the new news today, his spirits haven't been as up as they were yesterday.

So, what's my outlook on all of this? I did start to get upset when all of this new news came in. But, I am praying a lot and trying my best to turn all of this over to God. I mean, after all, it is completely in His hands anyway! We asked for answers, and we are starting to get some. Even though they may turn out to be different than the answers we had hoped for, they are answers. I'm staying positive, and finding some comfort in my faith that God does know what He is doing!

Please keep us in your prayers! We do still want the answers to all of this, and we definitely want them to be able to make Matt feel better! And, now that we are only 10 days away from Christmas, a whole new set of worries start creeping up. (Like the fact that all of our Christmas decorations are still boxed in the garage, and I haven't bought on single present yet!) I know those are just minor details in the big picture, but will be a huge deal to my kids, and are definitely worth mentioning!

Matt: Day 13

Matt was feeling better today. His headache and stomach pain are still lingering, and the nausea comes and goes, but overall, he seems better. He is really starting to get antsy about going home, so I guess that's a good sign. He is trying to avoid the IV medicines as much as possible and switch over to the pills he can tolerate. He is really trying to convince them he is ready to discharge!

We got no new information today, except that more of the tests have come back negative. There are 15 more viral/fungal studies pending. They are ruling out a ton of stuff, but still no definitive answers about which virus has caused all of this. There is a very high liklihood that we will leave the hospital and he will get better on his own without ever finding out what the actual cause was. But, at this point, I'm OK with that!

We heard nothing new today about a projected discharge date, so we are still clinging to the fact that yesterday they said maybe Friday. We are REALLY hoping for Friday, since they usually don't do a lot of discharges on the weekends. Sometimes I think sleeping in your own bed and eating a home-cooked meal is better medicine than anything they could ever put in an IV!!

Thank you for every single prayer that has been said for him/us over the last 13 days! I know God is hearing every one of them! And, I also know that He will answer every one of them in His way on His time table. The hard part is patiently waiting for those answers! Please continue to pray for Matt's recovery, as well as for my mom and our kids!

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills--from where will my help come? My help comes from the Lord." -Psalm 121:1-2

Matt: Day 12

First of all, I never imagined I would still be posting updates at this point. It is really surreal that this has been going on for this long. Matt was doing better this morning. He felt a little better, and was sitting up and staying awake a lot more than he has been, which was very encouraging. They did a few more tests that showed nothing, and we are still waiting on the majority of the lab results to come back. Some could take up to a week. They have said if he keeps improving, they may start talking about discharging him and finishing up as an outpatient as the test results come in. The earliest they would send him home would be Friday. But, one of the stipulations is that he has to be able to tolerate taking pills, rather than receiving all of his medicine via IV. So, tonight he opted for a pain pill rather than the morphine. Unfortunately, it made him extremely nautious, and within 30 minutes of taking it, he was asking for his 2nd nausea medicine. He got it, and is now asleep, as it always knocks him out. This was not so encouraging.

I am really trying to stay positive. I have a little devotional book I keep reading, and I keep looking up the lyrics to my favorite praise and worship songs to read just to keep myself going. I really do ok most of the time. But when my mom brings the kids to see us, and Blake cries when it's time to leave, or when Matt is asleep and I'm sitting here in the dark by myself wishing I could do SOMETHING to help him, it gets really difficult.

Please continue to keep all of us in your prayers, as this situation is really starting to take its toll!

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God." Psalm 42:5-6a

Matt: Day 11

Matt is still feeling the same. No improvement in his symptoms. But, our room has been a revolving door of doctors today. I know a lot of them are students since we are at a teaching hospital, but I stopped counting at about 15. Every time one group leaves, a new one comes in. They are running several more tests, but most of the results take days to come back. The only thing we do know is that his most recent spinal tap did show a slightly elevated white cell count, and the type of white cell elevation he has indicates he probably has something viral. The infectious disease team seems to be leaning toward the types of viruses he would have picked up during his National Guard training out in the field. But, to quote the ID specialist, Matt is a "medical mystery." Please continue to pray for him, the doctors working on him, our kids, and my mom as we all try to get through this!

Matt: Day 10

Matt's symptoms haven't improved or changed, but I finally feel like we are getting the level of care he deserves! They are running some new tests, and repeating a few old ones but looking for more specific things. Gall bladder isn't completely ruled out yet either. It's funny how much better we feel about things now that we have a team of doctors who act like they actually care, even though nothing else has changed yet. Matt's spirits are definitely better, and that makes it much easier for me to deal with all of this. Keep the prayers coming! I have a feeling we are much closer to answers, which means we are much closer to getting my baby better!!

Matt: Day 9...New Hospital

After almost 11 hours of battling Arlington Memorial, we finally left at 7. Came to UTSW, got settled in, spoke with the doctor at length, got meds in Matt, and we are now ready to sleep! It was a long, frustrating process, but we are very glad we are here!

As for Matt...he is still the same. Head hurts, joints hurt, stomach hurts, nauseated. But, we are hopeful that a fresh set of eyes (or many of them) will find something the AMH doctors missed. I'm praying that he gets some rest tonight and that these new doctors will be able to, at least, relieve some of his symptoms. Please keep the prayers coming, and I will try to keep the updates coming! God is good, and I know that answers will come when He is ready to give them to us!

Matt: Day 9

Well...after waiting 9 hours of waiting and some less than friendly discussions with the staff here, I think we are FINALLY getting close to actually moving to UT Southwestern. Dr. Eastman has been an amazing help throughout this process, and I don't think the people here could have even figured it out without some less than friendly discussions with him! I think it's a good thing that I'm the one dealing with this instead of Matt, or I'm pretty sure several people would be dead by now!!

Matt: Day 9 Frustration

How do you change someone's medicine from a regular dosing schedule to a PRN, and you don't tell them it has been changed???? Are you kidding me?? I have to notice that there is no IV bag with the medicine and ask about it before they tell me. No wonder his nausea has increased the last 2 days. This is ridiculous!!!

Matt: Day 8...Changing Hospitals

We are moving Matt to UT Southwestern tomorrow morning. There, he will be under the care of Dr. Eastman, who is the doctor for the Dallas SWAT team. I have already spoken with him on the phone several times in the last 2 days (I can actually call him directly!!), and he is ready to hit the ground running when we get there! Thanks to Kimberly Stratman for connecting me with him!

Matt: Day 8

Day 8 update: I'm going to start with the good news...Matt hasn't thrown up since 6am yesterday.

That didn't take long, did it??? Unfortunately, there's not a lot of good news right now.

Other than that, he was running a fever during the night, had really bad chills alternating with hot sweats, and has started having pain in his joints and muscles. They are doing more tests today after an infectious disease specialist came to talk to us last night.

I did start talking with the Dallas SWAT doctor yesterday, and he is now following what the doctors here are doing. He has assured me that if he feels like they aren't moving in the right direction, he's going to get Matt transferred to his hospital and take over his care.

That does give me a little peace of mind, but it doesn't change the fact that I am now on day 8 of sitting in this hospital room, watching the most important person in my life suffer, and no one is doing anything to help him.

Thank you for all the prayers that have already been sent! And please keep them coming!

Matt: Day 7 Part 2

Well...no gall bladder surgery. The surgeon said that the gall bladder scan they did isn't valid since Matt had been vomitting and on narcotics for so many days before they did it. Plus, he said that you can't just look at one thing and treat it separately when there are so many other things going on. (makes sense) So, he called an infectious disease specialist who is coming tomorrow, and they have already ordered the lab work he will need so that it is done ASAP. I have lots of mixed emotions going on right now. To be honest, I don't know if I should feel good about this, or if I should break down and cry. Oh...wait...I already did that. Matt feels very good about this doctor because he spent almost an hour in our room listening very intently to every detail of every symptom Matt has been having. He even said, "The patient will tell what is wrong with them if you just listen closely enough." Hopefully (once again) this will give us some answers and head us down a path to him feeling better. Prayers....prayers....prayers....prayers....prayers....

Matt: Day 7 Part 1

Night 6 was not fun. Matt still feels horrible. He is still throwing up. But, we just got a visit from the GI doc. They are calling a surgeon to come talk to us about taking his gall bladder. They are supposed to come today. I'm really hoping they can do the surgery tomorrow. I don't know how much longer Matt can do this. Please keep praying! And this time, ask for the surgeon to view this with the same sense of urgency we do!

Matt: Day 6 Part 2

Well, at the end of day 6 we still have almost no progress. I was really hoping for some pretty substantial improvements today, but they just didn't come. The doctor is waiting until tomorrow to see how he responds to the ulcer meds. If he still isn't any better, they are calling in a surgeon to talk to us about taking out his gall bladder. At this point, all I care about is that they do something...anything....that makes him feel better. This is really starting to wear both of us down. His spirits are about as low as they can get. I am exhausted, but trying to stay postivie. He still feels horrible. Probably goes without saying, but prayers please!!

Matt: Day 6 Part 1

The results from the second test they did yesterday are finally in, and there may be some gall bladder issues as well, so surgery isn't completely ruled out yet. We are waiting to see how he responds to the ulcer treatment before they decide if they need to have a surgeon come talk to us. So far, he's held down graham crackers, but they are hoping for much more improvement than that. Please keep praying that we continue to get answers and that he continues to get better! Thanks so much to all of you! We have some pretty amazing friends and family! ♥

Matt: Day 5 Part 2

We had some good news today! One of the tests found an ulcer in Matt's stomach. They are starting him on medicine right away to reduce the acid in his stomach and to start healing the ulcer. This should allow him to start keeping food down fairly quickly. Once that happens, we just have to see what happens with the rest of his symptoms. But, at least now we know something now!! I knew God was listening!!!
(Oh, and I also want to tell the doctors from this weekend...I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!)

Matt: Day 5 Part 1

Night 4 in the hospital is done. He didn't throw up at all, but only because he hasn't been allowed to eat or drink anything since midnight for some tests they are running today. If he doesn't put anything on his stomach, he doesn't throw up. But, they also stopped his pain medicine at midnight, so his head is really bad, and now he is saying his whole body is hurting. I know God is listening, and I have faith that the answers are coming on His timetable, so PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE keep praying for them!

Matt: Day 4 Part 2

Day 4 in the hospital is almost over. We still have no answers, but finally feel like we are moving in the right direction. There are now a couple doctors who are actually listening to us, and I really hope that helps. Matt is no better, but I at least feel like they are now testing for the right things. Please continue to pray for Matt's health, the doctors' wisdom, and peace for our kids. (especially Blake, who is having a really hard time with all of this) And...THANK YOU for every prayer that has already been sent. I know they have all been heard!

Matt: Day 4 Part 1

The night was somewhat calm. The nurse told him not to eat or drink anything for awhile, and that actually kept him from throwing up. So, he did get some sleep. He is still nauseated and still has the horrible headache though. Unfortunately, he can't go forever without eating or drinking. Hopefully a new doctor today will bring a fresh perspective that will lead to some answers! Keep praying!

Matt: Day 3

Still needing prayers...Matt was doing better this morning, then all of a sudden, his headache spiked again. He is now no better off than he was when we came to the ER on Friday. Please continue to pray for guidance for the doctors and relief for him!!

Matt: Day 2 Part 4

Well, that was short-lived. After 2 hours of rest, he is back to the uncomfortable state he's been in all along. I guess it was nice while it lasted...

Matt: Day 2 Part 3

Matt is finally doped up enough to sleep. He's been asleep for a couple hours now. I'm gonna say this is a good thing. Keep praying!

Matt: Day 2 Part 2

So, now he's running a fever for the first time. A whole new round of lab work and an MRI have been ordered, but he is miserable. PLEASE keep praying!!!!

Matt: Day 2 Part 1

Symptoms are no better. Now he's getting dizzy, too. Meds are barely helping, and nurses are poor at best. Keep praying! He really needs relief!

Matt: ER Part 3

Spinal tap was negative. Still no clue what's wrong. They are admitting him to keep fluids and meds in him. Keep the prayers coming!

Matt: ER Part 2

They just did a spinal tap to test for meningitis. Should have the results back in about an hour. Still need prayers!

Matt: ER Part 1

Matt update: All the tests came back normal. They said he has a virus, gave him pain meds and sent us home. Translation: They have NO clue what is wrong. Since we got home he has been vomitting like crazy, so he can't even take the pain meds. His regular doctor isn't in today, and he can't stand the other one there. So, I have no idea what to do. Please keep the prayers coming!

Matt: How it started...

At the ER with Matt. Not really sure what's going on, but he is really hurting. Please take a minute and say a prayer for him!

Matt: Reposting

I told Matt I made a blog today, and he thought I should repost all the updates I've been putting on Facebook so that the whole story is on here. So...here it goes. This may take awhile...there are a LOT of them!!

Let the Blog Begin....

For the past 19 days, I have been posting daily updates on Matt's hospitalization to my Facebook, his Facebook, and via a group email to our Sunday school class. I have done this for several reasons. The first and most obvious reason is to keep everyone updated on his health and what is happening as we go through this ordeal. The second reason is to elicit prayers for him from as many people as I can. The third, and not so obvious, reason is that it really is somewhat therapeutic for me. Every day I spend about half an hour organizing my thoughts and emotions from the previous 24 hours. I lay it out there for everyone to see. In some strange way, it makes me feel better to get it out like that. And I guess I could keep doing that...posting the updates 3 different ways each day. In fact I probably still will. The process isn't difficult...all I do is type it once, then copy and paste it twice. But, today I got a very touching email from one of the sweet ladies on the Sunday school email list. She thanked me for my daily updates, but then proceeded to tell me how MY words are inspirational to HER. She suggested that if I hadn't started blogging already, I should. I really hadn't thought about it before that to be honest. But, that's really what I have been doing anyway...just not on a "blog." So, here I am setting up my first blog.

So, I'm going to start posting my daily updates here...Praise in the Storm. One of my very favorite songs in the world is "Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns. The lyrics have carried me through a ton of difficult situations. In fact, I can barely listen to it without tearing up. But, over the last 19 days, this song has become closer to my heart than ever before. If we are not in the middle of a storm now, I don't know when we will ever be. Nineteen days in the hospital with no diagnosis and symptoms that won't go away could destroy just about anyone. But, I am NOT just anyone! Even though the storm continues to rage, I continue to praise the God who is in control of the storm, knowing that He is the only one who can stop it. I sing different parts of the song to myself off and on throughout every day that we are here. It seems to be in my head 24/7! It is just that constant reminder to me that I am not alone. He is with me every step of the way, and I continue to praise Him for it! So, I guess I couldn't think of a more fitting name for this blog.

Posting about Matt, his hospitalization, and (hopefully soon) his recovery will continue to serve the 3 purposes for me that it has all along. But, now I have a 4th one that has been there all along, too. I just didn't realize it. Hopefully, the things I post will continue to touch the people who read them as well!