Why Didn't God Stop This From Happening?

Anyone who knows me knows that the events of the last week and a half have deeply touched my family. My husband has devoted his life to public service in some form or fashion. The majority of that time has been in law enforcement, and part of that time was with the Dallas Police Department. The senseless deaths of the four DPD officers and one DART officer have emotionally brought us to our knees. After a week of funerals, I thought we were at a point where we could start to move past this unexplainable tragedy. And then this morning, it happened again. Another ambush of police officers in Baton Rouge. None of this makes sense. I've heard people asking lots of questions through all of this. Why in the world would anyone deliberately murder the very people who are sworn to serve and protect them? Why would someone scream that their life matters in one moment and then murder someone because of the uniform they wear in the next moment? But, I think the question that has probably crossed everyone's mind, and is probably the hardest one to answer, is why didn't God stop this from happening?

If you grew up in church, you learned from a very young age that God can do anything. We were just teaching that very principle to our 3- and 4-year-olds in Sunday School today as they learned about Jesus walking on water. The Bible is full of examples of God's amazing power. HE created everything. HE parted the Red Sea. HE flooded the entire earth. HE healed people who were sick. HE brought people back from the dead. HE walked on water. HE calmed the wind and waves with a simple command. HE turned water into wine. I could go on and on and on. Throughout history God has done things that are FAR beyond human power and even farther beyond human explanation. God can do anything. Period.

So... Why didn't God stop this from happening? Why didn't He stop five Dallas officers from being murdered? Why didn't He stop three Baton Rouge officers from being murdered? Why didn't He just reach down with His infinite power and stop it?? I'm no Bible scholar, and I'm no expert. But, I have prayed and prayed and prayed about this. And, here is what I believe God has told me in response to those prayers. Why didn't God stop this from happening? I believe that He tried. Let me explain.

God created us to be in a relationship with Him and to love Him. For that to happen, He had to give us this thing called free will. We have the free will to make choices about our lives. We choose what we do and when we do it. We choose how we live and who we love. We choose whether or not we love God, obey God, and worship God. Sure, He could just create us all and control our every thought and action to force us into a relationship with Him. He could force us to love Him. He could force us to obey Him. He could force us to worship Him. But, if it's forced, it's actually not love at all. We would no more love God than the victim of a kidnapping loves her kidnapper simply because he binds her to a chair and forces her to stay. When we choose to love God, we can truly love Him. But, it's the only way that can happen.

Until we make the choice to give our lives to the Lord and love Him with our heart, soul, strength, and mind, He is pursuing us. He offers us undeserved, unexplainable love and grace long before we choose to follow Him. He is always there for us. But, we have to make that choice, We have to take that step. We have to open our hearts to Him and allow Him to become the Lord of our lives. He is calling out to us, reaching out to us, waiting on us to turn around and take that first step toward Him.

Sure, God could have reached down in  all of His power and stopped the shooters from shooting. He could have forced them to comply with His will. But, as soon as He does that, free will is gone. Our capacity to be in true relationship with Him is gone. Our capacity to truly love Him is gone. And, if those things are gone, so is the necessity of Jesus' sacrifice. There is no need for God to offer up His perfect, sinless Son as payment for the sins of the world if God is just going to step in and stop us from sinning. There is no need for a Savior if the world is full of mindless robots that have no say in what they do. There is no need for the Son of God to show the ultimate act of love for humankind if we lose our ability to love Him back.

I firmly believe God tried to stop all of this. He was calling out to the shooter in Dallas. He was calling out to the shooter in Baton Rouge. He so desperately wanted them to hear His call and to turn around and take that step toward Him. He so desperately wanted them to make the right choice. He wanted them to choose Him over the enemy. He wanted them to choose the Light over darkness. He wanted them to choose life over death. He wanted them to choose peace over violence.

But... They didn't.

We all have that same choice every single day. We may not be standing in a parking garage contemplating gunning down a crowd of police officers, but we still have a choice. Do we choose love or hate? Do we choose peace or violence? Do we choose forgiveness or revenge? Do we choose unity or division? Do we choose apathy or empathy?

It may seem that our choices only affect us. But, make no mistake, our choices affect way more than that. Our culture, our society, our country, our very way of life all depend on the choices that we make. If we want this to stop, we have to answer God's call. If we want this to stop, we have to love like Jesus loves. If we want this to stop, we can't keep sitting around waiting for someone else to make a difference. God was shouting to the shooters to not shoot. What is He shouting to you? What is He shouting to me? What has He shouted to us before that we either didn't hear or just didn't want to listen to?

I don't know about you, but I am DONE with violence. I am DONE with the loss of life. I am DONE with hate. I am DONE with division. I want to know MY role in healing this nation. I want to know MY role in bringing people together. I want to know MY role in ending the hate between people.

Because, ultimately, MY role is the only one I can control.

I can listen for God's call.
I can hear God's call.
I can act on God's call.

What a different world it would be if we all did that.

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. ~Revelation 3:20

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become the children of God, who were born, not of blood nor the will of the flesh nor the will of man, but of God. ~John 1:12-13

 

Top 6 SCOTUS Ruling Scriptures

By now, everyone has heard about the landmark SCOTUS decision handed down on Friday regarding same-sex marriage. In fact, I'm pretty sure everyone has heard WAY more than they ever wanted to hear about this decision. Everywhere I've turned since Friday I've seen or heard something about it. Everyone has an opinion, and many are very passionate about theirs. Emotions regarding this issue run the complete spectrum with each end being about as extreme as you can get. I have seen extreme love, extreme hate, and complete indifference. I've seen people removing others from their social media because of posts they've made. I've even seen people deactivating their own social media accounts because they are tired of all the drama. Me? I've just been taking it all in up to this point. I've listened to and read all the different opinions and viewpoints. But ultimately, like I do with everything, I turned to Scripture to help me digest it all. While there are countless Scriptures that have been thrown around in relation to this issue, I've come up with my own personal list of Scriptures that I am using for direction in all of this. (All Scriptures quoted are from the Common English version of the Bible unless otherwise noted.)

#1
He replied, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your being, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: You must love your neighbor as yourself." ~Matthew 22:37-39 

This is where it all starts for me. According to Jesus, these are the two most important commandments, and every other law from the Old Testament hangs on them. He spent a lot of time talking about loving others, and that is what we should be focused on. The political stage is just that, a stage. And, nothing that could ever happen on that stage will ever change God's agenda of love. So, my agenda stays the same , too. Love God with everything I have and love the people around me.

#2
Don't judge, so that you won't be judged. You'll receive the same judgement you give. Whatever you deal out will be dealt to you. Why do you see the splinter that's in your brother's or sister's eye, but don't notice the log in your own eye? ~Matthew 7:1-3

One of the big debates surrounding this issue seems to be whether or not homosexuality is a sin. I have my opinion on that. But, to be quite frank, my opinion doesn't matter because I am not the judge. My opinion matters for me, and that's it. Using the definition of sin that I've derived from my time with God and reading the Bible to judge what other people are doing is not OK. Jesus didn't win people's hearts by telling them what horrible sinners they were. I know He didn't win my heart that way. He won (and still wins) people's hearts by loving them to the point of death on a cross in spite of the fact that they are sinners. That's the kind of person I want to be: the kind who loves people no matter what their sins might be. My role as a disciple of Christ is to share the amazing story of the Gospel with people, not to tell them the 827 reasons why they're going to hell if they don't listen to it. Besides, the good Lord knows that I've got a big enough job just dealing with the log in my own eye. Once I have eliminated sin from life and am perfect (which will never happen) is when I can start pointing out the splinters in other people's eyes.

#3
Don't be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all your requests to God in your prayers and petitions, along with giving thanks. Then the peace of God that exceeds all understanding will keep your hearts and minds safe in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7

So many people are getting so worked up over what this SCOTUS decision is going to mean for them or for this country. But, I see no need to worry about it at all. Ultimately, God is in control. If we spend our time worrying about this, or any other issue, we are trying to take that control away from Him. To me, it makes much more sense to pray for our government and the decisions they make, for the people of this country who are so wrapped up in emotion and turmoil right now, and for the people whose lives are directly affected by this decision. It makes more sense to take these requests to God, and at the same time thank Him that I am allowed to live in this great nation where I am free to pray to Him whenever and wherever I please. This is how I will be able to stay at peace when this battle is going on all around me.

#4
Jesus said to them, "Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God what belongs to God." ~Mark 12:17

OK, I know that in this verse Jesus was answering a question about paying taxes. But, I think the same principle applies here. What the government does belongs to the government, and what God does belongs to God. The government made a legal decision. They did not change the Bible. They did not change God's law. The simply made a decision about what unions the government is going to recognize. You can agree with it. You can disagree with it. But, at the end of the day, we still have man's law and God's law. They are separate from each other and do not have to agree. In fact, there are a lot of things that are legal in this country that the Bible classifies as sin. Just because it's legal doesn't mean you have to do it if you believe it is a sin. I know what I believe to be right and wrong, and nothing about this SCOTUS decision has changed my ability live according to those beliefs.

#5
The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all. ~Psalm 103:19

It's been four days since this decision came down, and guess what? God is still on the throne. No matter what our government, our citizens, or our enemies might do, God will still be on the throne. SCOTUS is not my Lord. God is my Lord. This great planet belongs to Him, and I have to trust that His plan for it and for me are going to prevail no matter what.

#6
But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve... But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. ~Joshua 24:15 (NIV) 

When everything else is said and done, this is what I have control over. In my house, we will continue to serve God. You don't have to. You have that choice. I can't make anyone, nor would God want me to. He wants us to come to him because we choose to. And, in my house, we choose to. Nothing is going to change that.

So, I guess it's safe to say that my reaction to this is no different than anything else that may be going on in my life or in the world around me. Here's the sort version:

• Love others.
• Don't judge.
• Pray.
• Government is government. God is God.
• God is, was, and always will be Lord.
• My family chooses to serve God.

It seems so simple. I just don't understand everyone has to make it so difficult.

Slow It Down, AT&T!

This is number 2 in my AT&T series of posts. In my first post, I talked about AT&T giving us the message that bigger is better. This time, I'm moving on to their message that faster is better. I'll give them credit... The commercial is super cute. But, no matter how cute it is, I still think it is sending the wrong message, especially to the kids who are automatically drawn to the commercial simply because it has kids in it. Here's the commercial that tells us that faster is better:

In some cases, I would agree that faster is better. But, the commercial doesn't specify any circumstances. It just lays out the assertion that faster is better. Period. Here's my problem with that... We are constantly inundated with the message that we need to do more, more, more. At work, we have to be more productive. At home, we have to do more with our kids. At school, every moment has to be jam packed with learning. The only way to do more is to be faster. We are constantly pushed to go, go, go.

We try to dress it up just to make it sound better. Kids need to be involved in more activities so that they are more well-rounded. Technology makes us more efficient so that we can accomplish more in the same amount of time. Multitasking  is an art that only the most fortunate are able to perfect. People who are constantly working and driving themselves and their kids to do more are go-getters. They are driven. They are motivated. They are striving for success. We are supposed to model our own lives after them.

All of that leads to the results of living in the fast lane, filling every moment with an attempt to do more, to be more, to accomplish more. If you don't fill every millisecond of your life with something, then you are lazy, unmotivated, and your kids are missing out.

Personally, I think that this is one major area where we get it all wrong. And, I say "we" because I'm just as guilty as the next guy. My whole life I have said that I'm not happy unless I'm going 90 to nothing. But, lately I have been making conscious efforts to change that.

The first change I made a while back was to spend time every with God. For a long time, I've had a Bible app on my phone that gives me a daily verse. I would read it most days, but that was it. Now, that's just my starting point. I read the verse, but then I read the whole chapter that the verse is in. After I've read it a couple times, I read it again with the notes that go with it in my study Bible. I really try to listen for the message God wants me to get out of it. Finally, I spend some time praying, but more importantly, listening to God. It's amazing what a difference it makes when I slow down and start my day off with this devotional time! I am more patient, less frazzled, and just in a better mood overall. When I just jump out of bed and hit the ground running, I'm a frantic mess all day!

Every time I see the AT&T commercial about faster being better, all I can think is, "Be still and know that I am God." This verse can be found in Psalm 46:10, and I catch myself reciting it multiple times every day. It is such a good reminder of what God wants for us! Of course we have to work. Of course we need to spend time with our kids. Of course we have to cook and clean and do laundry. But, I think it's really important to find balance. We need to balance the fast and the slow. We need to give ourselves permission to put on the brakes and really enjoy life. We need to make sure we don't take on so much that it becomes impossible to do so. We need to make sure that time with God is a priority, not an option that becomes the first thing we skip over because everything else dominates our time.

In some cases, AT&T is right: Faster is better. But, in life... I just don't think so. Slow it down, keep your priorities in check, and enjoy all the ways God blesses you every day! Our kids are watching us and learning how to live life from what they see us do. What are you teaching???

It's Not Complicated, AT&T

OK, I know I planned on doing this a LONG time ago, but the day of my last post, my life took a 90 degree turn and got much busier than I had planned. Not that I am complaining, because I definitely am not! I just haven't had (or made) time to write as much as I'd like.

Anyway... Here's my first set of opinions on the series of commercials AT&T has been running for the last several months. It's the "It's Not Complicated" series of commercials. I have no idea what their first commercial in this series was, but the first one I remember ended with the message, "Bigger is better." Here's the commercial:

At first glance, it's a group of really cute kids saying really cute things. It makes everyone smile and laugh, and people really like to watch these commercials. But, have you really listened to what's being said? The man in the commercial asks the kids questions to lead them to the point AT&T is trying to make... Bigger is better. Unfortunately, in the US, bigger is better. Bigger houses, bigger bank accounts, bigger wardrobes... It never ends. The Golden Rule is no longer, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It is now, "The one with the gold makes the rules," and it's been that way for a long time. In general, people are judged and valued for what they have, not who they are.

And, the really sad part of this to me is the kids. If you ask just about any kid in this country what's better, bigger or smaller? They will say that bigger is better. We ingrain it in them every single day. The boy in the commercial doesn't want a small tree house because it wouldn't hold a big screen TV. Kids dream of being rich when they grow up, so they can have a big house and fancy cars and every possession they desire. This is definitely NOT how I want my kids to view their lives. Unfortunately, I was just as caught up in this mentality as everyone else for the majority of my life. If you ask my 9-year-old about his life plan, he'll tell you he's going to be in the NFL Hall of Fame and marry a rich supermodel. It just makes me shake my head and ask myself what in the world I've been doing all these years???

Whether we realize it or not, we are teaching our kids that "stuff" is what makes you happy. If you just made a little bit more money, you'd be happy. If you just got a bigger house, you'd be happy. If you just had a bigger and better wardrobe, you'd be happy. We chase material possessions like they are some kind of magic potion that will somehow make us feel validated and worthwhile. But, the reality is that the more you try to satisfy these empty feelings you have with "stuff," the emptier you feel. Bigger is definitely NOT better when it comes to satisfying your soul and feeling fulfilled in life.

I was reminded of this in church yesterday. We had a guest band come to perform during our worship service. They are called Remedy Drive, and I had no idea that I knew some of their songs very well until they played them. The one that really drives this point home is called, "All Along." I know it by heart, and I absolutely love the message it conveys! Here's the song on YouTube. The video isn't exciting, but I wanted one that shows the words. Take a listen...

The only thing that can really fill us is God. Everything else is just our superficial way of trying to do it ourselves. But, it never works. No matter how much "stuff" you have, you always feel like you just need a little bit more to make life easier and make you happy. But, God doesn't work that way. He fills us in such a different way. His love isn't based on what we have. His grace isn't conditional. He loves us no matter what we do or don't do. He loves us no matter what we have or don't have. He doesn't care what people think of us, how many friends we have, or how many followers we have on Facebook or Twitter. And, He doesn't want us to care about those things either. For me personally, the day that I truly started identifying myself as a child of God and basing my value on that was the day that I really started feeling happy and satisfied.

So, AT&T... You're right: It's not complicated. Bigger isn't better in the way you are putting it out there. Bigger is better if you are talking about a God who is bigger than any problem I could ever face. Bigger is better if you're talking about the love we get from a God who will never leave us. Bigger is better if you're talking about the grace that God gives us every single day of our lives. So, I guess the real truth here is that God is better!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in faith so that you overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13

Trying Something New!

Ok, I've been wanting to do this for awhile. I'm going to to try something new on here. I'm going to do a series of blog entries. Usually I write about one thing, then move on to something different. But, this particular series has been in the back of my head for awhile now. So... What is it? It's called, "What is Better?"

In this set of posts, I'm going to to talk about the string of AT&T commercials that have been released over the last few months. They all feature a man sitting with a group of kids that are probably 5 or 6 years old. In each one, they are talking about what is better: fast or slow, bigger or smaller, more or less, doing one thing or doing more than one thing.

I know that the commercials are cute. I know that they are funny. I know that technically they are trying to grab the attention of the adults that AT&T wants to have as customers. But, I think the audience they actually speak to is much younger. The kids in the commercials get kids not just watching them, but also quoting them. Kids aren't going to run out and buy a cell phone or a plan with AT&T, but they are listening to those commercials, and I just don't like what the commercials are teaching them. I think our kids are getting a set of completely wrong ideas and values from these commercials. And, I think a lot of adults don't really take the time to see past the cute kids with the witty answers to the real message that's being conveyed.

So, I guess you could say that I'm about to get on a small soapbox for a few posts. But, I do think it's worth writing! And, I definitely think it's worth reading! Look for the first one early next week!

In the meantime, I am SO thankful for all this glorious rain we're getting! We need it SO badly! But, it is making it hard for me to get out from under this blanket and off my couch...

Steal My Show!

I used to have the hardest time accepting compliments. No matter what the compliment was, I would very quickly respond with some reason why it was wrong. If someone said my hair looked nice, I would point out the part that was out of place. If someone said my outfit was cute, I would point out that I had nothing to wear and it was all I could find. But, the compliments about things I had done were the ones I would discount more than anything else. Anytime someone said, "You did such a good job on (fill in the blank)," I would very quickly make sure they knew the mistakes I made while doing it, the parts that didn't work, or why I just didn't really do a good job in general.

Why in the world did I do this? Who knows! Maybe I was just fishing for more compliments, especially since that's what usually followed my negative responses. Maybe I really didn't believe the compliments, and I was really, honestly discounting them. Maybe I just didn't believe that I was deserving of the compliment. I could probably spend three days psychoanalyzing all the reasons why, but that's not really the important thing here! So, I'll spare you the details on that one!

The good thing is, I'm not that way anymore. Now, when someone gives me a compliment, I'm able to accept it. It might be a simple, "Thank you." I might thank the person and take it a step farther by agreeing with them. Or, sometimes I even go so far as to point out things that I see as being really good! My responses are just completely different now! But, that's not even the important thing here. The important thing is WHY I respond differently!

 

There's actually a song by TobyMac that explains this really well. (If you been with me for any length of time, it's no surprise to you that there's a music connection here!) The song is called "Steal My Show." It's all about how he's about to go on stage for a concert, and he's asking God to steal his show and use him to say what He wants to say to the people in the crowd. I love the song, but there's one part of it that really makes it apply to anyone:
No matter who we are,
No matter what we do,
Every day we can choose to say
If You wanna steal my show,
I'll sit back and watch you go.
If You've got something to say,
Go on and take it away.
 This is the difference: Every time I'm doing anything, this song pops into my head, and very quickly turns into a prayer. I can be writing a Sunday school lesson, getting ready for a meeting, writing a blog entry, making a wreath, or planning a major event, my prayer is still the same. "God, this is Yours. Use me to make this great!" And, you know... He usually does!

Giving God control of things also gives Him control of the outcome. I've been able to do things I never thought I could do, better than I thought I could do them, simply because I constantly ask God to take them over while I'm doing them. And this is what makes it so easy to accept compliments so graciously. When I ask God to steal my show, I know the show is going to be good! It's NOT me that's doing it!! It's all Him!! So, of course compliments will come! I get excited when I get complimented, because I know it's not really me that's being complimented. It's the work God did through me. And, I love to be able to point out to people that whatever it is that I've done was actually a "God thing!"

So, what show can you let God steal?

All things are from Him and through Him and for Him. May the glory be to Him forever. Amen. ~Romans 11:36

So, whether you eat or drink, whatever you do, you should do it all for God's glory. ~1 Corinthians 10:31

It's MY Church!!!

Well... We started the week off with another hospital stay. This one was only one night, and the doctors finally explained to us that, because Matt is on blood thinners, he will be admitted any time he has blood in his vomit. (Sorry to be so gross!) But, it's strictly a precaution. They have to run tests to make sure he's not bleeding internally, and the tests can't really be done in his doctor's office. So, that took my panic level down about ten notches! As soon as he said the word "hospital," my mind instantly started racing back to December of 2011 when we were there for 21 days. It was such a relief to know that it wasn't a big deal! But, I'm also not excited about the fact that we may have many more of these short little stays in our future.

Anyway... Once again, I had a lot of time sitting in my beloved chair-bed next to him while we were there. During that time, I was overwhelmed with texts, calls, emails, and Facebook messages from friends of ours who were asking how we were doing and if we needed anything. This really got me thinking about the amazing group of people we are now so closely intertwined with at church. And, it made me really upset about the bad name that "church" seems to have these days.

Churches, in general, have come under a lot of fire lately. And, as much as I hate to admit it, a lot of the criticism is warranted. Churches have become more of a country club and less of a place where the hands and feet of Christ are truly moving. Now wait... Before you lynch me for saying that... Think about your own church. Maybe the one you attend right now, maybe ones you have attended in the past. I would bet that the majority of the people who attend are VERY similar in race, socioeconomic status, lifestyle, etc. There are lots of groups (dare I call them cliques?) that have sprung out of small groups, Sunday school classes, committees, organizations, etc. So, everyone has their little group of people they gravitate toward when they are there. None of these things in isolation are necessarily bad. But, if you are that person, walking in as a visitor, who doesn't happen to "fit the mold," you feel like an outsider from the get go. A diverse congregation is much more comfortable to a visitor walking in for the first time, but most churches just are not diverse.

So, right now you're probably wondering why this bad rap upsets me if I believe it is, at least in part, warranted. Well... The answer to that is simple: It's because of MY church!

Yes, I go to one of those very non-diverse churches. And it has, on occasion, been referred to as a country club. But, that's based on what you see from a distance. Once you get inside our four walls (or however many walls we actually have!), what you experience is completely different. At least what we experienced was completely different! We are surrounded by people who truly understand how to share the love of Christ with others!

In 2011, we had only visited New World UMC a handful of times when Matt got sick and went into the hospital. The minute the church got word that he was there, the help and support came pouring out like I've never seen before! We were visited multiple times by the pastor and associate pastor. Meals were brought to my house for my mom and kids for three weeks straight! They raked our leave after our trees all dumped...43 bags worth! And, they put Christmas lights on our house since we didn't even know if Matt would be home by Christmas. But, most importantly, they prayed for us constantly! And we were STRANGERS to them! Most of the people helping us were people we had never even met!

And THAT is why I get upset about the bad rap that churches have right now. The people who are saying all those negative things don't know MY church!

See, church isn't about what denomination you are, or which service you go to on Sunday morning. It's not even about going on Sunday morning! It's about sharing Christ with others whenever you can. The "church" just gives us an opportunity to unite with other people who have that same goal. We get to worship together, study the Bible together, and hang out together. And, that's all great. Those are the things that keep the church going! They are a vital part of the experience! But, to me, church is SO much more than that! The amazing people in MY church cared for my family when I couldn't do it myself, without even knowing me. I wish everyone could come experience what these people have to offer!

So, here's my challenge to you, if you don't already do this! Shift how you think about church. Church is not a place. It's not a worship service. It's not a meeting or a committee. Church is what we do! It's who we are! It is a part of every word we say and every step we take! We are called to be the church in everything we do! So, the next time you see a visitor walk in the door of your church, or the next time you're at the grocery store, or the next time you have a chance to get involved in a mission of any kind, just stop and think, "Do I go to church? Or AM I THE CHURCH?" And then proceed accordingly!

You are the body of Christ and parts of each other. ~1 Corinthians 12:27

He said to them, "Go into the whole world and proclaim the good news to every creature..." ~Mark 16:15

How Dark Are Your Tan Lines?

 

This picture cracks me up! I saw it floating around on Facebook not too long ago, but when I saw it, the label over the guy with no tan said, "Minister." Haha! I got a kick out of that! But, no matter what labels are on the picture, you get the idea. If you are outside everyday doing the same activity, you're going to get some pretty dark tan lines from the stuff you wear while you're doing it. And, if you never go outside, you'll stay white as a ghost with no tan lines at all. My problem is that I have about 87 different sets of tan lines. I have them from two different bathing suits, the shorts and tank tops I wore on vacation, and my flip flops. But, my darkest ones are from running. My feet are whiter than the rest of my legs, and I think the lines from my Nike shorts are probably permanent now!

Tan lines remind me a lot of our relationship with God. (I'm really not crazy! Just bear with me on this one!) Think about it for a minute... The more you are exposed to the sun, the darker your tan lines, right? Well, the more you expose yourself to God, the deeper your relationship gets with Him. You can expose yourself to Him once a week, once a day, or continually. It's up to you. But, the more you do it, the darker your spiritual tan lines get. 

I'm really working on my spiritual tan! For most of my life I was the epitome of a Sunday Christian. I went to church almost every Sunday, but that was about it. I was lukewarm at best. If I had any spiritual tan lines, they were pretty light, and I'm pretty sure no one else could see them. Over the last few years, I've been making a conscious effort to change that. Matthew 22:37 says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." That's exactly what I try to do! I want to have spiritual tan lines that are always getting darker and more defined. But, more than that, I want to live my life so that others can see God through me. I want everyone to see how tan I am!

So, how do you work on your spiritual tan lines? You do anything you can to get closer to God. And that looks different for everyone. For me, it started with changing the way I worship. I don't just go to church. I get lost in the service! I let the music speak to soul, I carefully listen to the sermon to see how God is speaking to me through it, I look for any and every opportunity to let God fill me enough to last me until the next Sunday. I also get into the Bible more. If something is going on, and I'm not sure what to do, I turn to the Bible for the answers. It's like my little owner's manual for life. I read bits and pieces of it daily just to keep me uplifted and connected to Him. I listen to praise music all the time. I've stopped listening to anything else. Every time I turn on the radio or Pandora on my phone, I get blasted with messages of God's love. I look for ways to share God with others by being in service to people whenever I can. And, probably most importantly, I pray all the time! I am almost constantly in dialogue with God! Sometimes it's a long, meditative prayer session. Sometimes it's just a thought or two as I'm going through my day. Sometimes, I'm just listening to Him. And I always pray myself to sleep at night. 

What works for me may not work for you. You have to get to know God in your own way. You have to decide how you need to work on your own spiritual tan lines.

But, I want to caution you against the spiritual sunburn! Think of kids who go to church camp. They come back on fire for God, ready to change everything about their lives and live for Him. But, usually that fire fades pretty quickly just like a sunburn does. If you overexpose yourself all at one time with no idea of how to maintain that exposure on a daily basis, you'll just get overwhelmed and go right back to what you've always done. Start from where you are and increase your exposure gradually. If you connect with God once a week, try to increase that to 2 or 3 times a week. Get used to that, then try for everyday. What I think you'll find is that the more you expose yourself to God, the more you are going to crave a deeper relationship with Him, and it will start to unfold naturally. You will get to a point where all you want to do is love Him with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind! And your life will be forever changed because of it! At least, that's what happened for me!

So, take a look at your spiritual tan lines. How dark are they? But more importantly, how are you going to make them darker?

New and Improved!

Praise in the Storm got a facelift! When I started this blog, I had no idea how to do anything other than use the ready-made templates available in Blogger. So, I chose one and started blogging. I thought I was big time because I figured out how to change the font and font color!

Then, last summer, I created a new blog for my classroom ideas. I spent days and days searching the web trying to figure out how to customize everything about it. And, I was successful! But, after that, I couldn't stand this blog! It just looked so BLAH! But, I never sat down and took the time to recreate it... until now!

Thank goodness the process was much faster this time! I got to do a lot of copying and pasting from my teacher blog, so this time it only took me about 2 days. And now I really like how it looks!

I know I've said before that I was going to try to post more regularly.... Well, that was a FAIL! It didn't happen! But I really am going to post more regularly! The difference is that before, I was just saying that I was going to do it. But, this time I have been feeling extremely nudged to do it. It seems like almost everywhere I go, God is showing me something that I could share by writing about it. I had to start making a list on my iPhone of all the ideas He's given me, so that I don't forget them! He gives me these little nudges all the time... while I'm running, on vacation, even when I'm watching TV! So, I have lots of good stuff to share, and it will be coming soon!

If you read this blog, and you like it, please feel free to share it! You are more than welcome to share a link on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, or whatever your social media site of choice may be! Thanks for reading!

Only One Mile????

By now most of you know that I like to run. I like it for a lot of reasons. It's good exercise, it's good stress relief, and it gives me a small window of time where I'm alone with my thoughts. I always listen to my Casting Crowns or Contemporary Christian stations on Pandora while I run. I just get lost in the music and let my feet do the work. And, every once in awhile I run without music. On these days, I spend that time time either praying or just listening to what God has to say to me.

But, since October, I think I've run a grand total of 4 times. (Pretty impressive, huh?) I've wanted to go more than that, but there was always a reason why I didn't...too tired, too busy, too cold, too late... Personally, I like to refer to these "reasons" as excuses. That's all they are. If I had really wanted to run, I would've gotten off my backside and done it! The really sad part is that I actually ran a half-marathon at the end of October! I was going to take a week off after that, but that week turned into over 4 months!

Well, as of last week, I am officially staying at home and am no longer working. So, most of my excuses are just plain gone. I was actually really excited that I would be able to run pretty much every day. But, I was really sick last week. So, there was no way I could. I couldn't do much of anything except lay in bed. Over the weekend I started feeling better, so today I decided it was a good idea to go run.

I have a route that I follow that is right at 3 miles. I walked out of my neighborhood and started running. It didn't take very long before my lungs were saying, "Are you serious right now? You want us to do what??" I only made it a mile before I had to slow down and walk. I switched back and forth between walking and running for the second mile, then I just walked the third mile.

During that third mile, I was thinking, "Why did I even come out here? This is so stupid! One mile? That's all I can do? One mile???" I mean, four months ago I ran 13.1 miles without walking at all. And now, all I could do was run one mile. Sounds pretty pathetic, I know. But then I started thinking about the first time I ever ran (by choice) about 8 years ago. I was all excited that I ran half a mile! I was so proud of myself because I thought half a mile was such a long distance!

If you would have asked me that day if I ever thought I'd run a half marathon, I would have called you crazy! Even 3 years ago I would have said there was no way I'd ever be able to run that far. But, last summer I decided I was going to do it...and I did! But, here's the catch...I did NOT do it by myself. I had to call on God to help me throughout the entire process. On days when I didn't want to train, He helped me get out there. On days when I was hurt, He helped me get through it. On the day of the race, He gave me the strength to make it to the finish line. And, I am convinced to this day that He carried me for the first 6 miles. I wouldn't have been able to do it without Him. I just wouldn't have.

The whole point is that there are lots of things that we are able to do, even if we think we can't. When you call on God to help you, You have the power to do anything! You still have to put forth the work and effort. You still have to be dedicated to what you are doing. But He can absolutely turn the impossible into the possible. All you have to do is take that first step and ask Him to help you with the second step.

So, I don't think that God sees my miserable run today as the giant failure that I see it as. I think He sees it as a first step. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't fabulous. It wasn't even something I can believe I just admitted! But, it was a first step. If I stay committed to running and continue to ask Him to help me do it, I'll be running a full marathon before you know it!

No matter what it is that you are facing, don't make yourself face it alone! Ask God to help you and He will. Even if your attempts are so far from perfect you're ashamed to admit you tried! You can do it with His help. All you have to do is ask!

I can do all this through Him who gives me strength. ~Philippians 4:13

Thoughts of a Birthday Girl

It's so easy to go to God when things are bad, when you need something, when you are down, when someone is sick, or when you need help. But how often do you stop just to tell Him thanks? For some reason, when things are going well, it's so easy to take God for granted. Well, today is one of those days where I'm just thankful. Nothing more. Nothing less. Why am I thankful? Why am I thankful? Well, I thought you would never ask! Please, let me tell you!

First, I am thankful that I am the daughter of my God who loves me no matter what. There is nothing I could do to make Him love me more or less. There is nothing I could to earn the love He has for me. He knows that I'm not in as good of shape as I used to be. He loves me anyway. He knows that I procrastinate. He loves me anyway. He knows that sometimes my patience runs out and I'm not very nice. He loves me anyway. He knows that I can't carry a tune in a paper bag, but I belt out praise and worship songs despite my lousy voice. He loves me anyway. He sees me for exactly who I am, and He loves everything about me. For this, I am more thankful than anything else in my life!

Second, I am thankful for the amazing partner in life He has given to me. I am married to the most wonderful husband I could ever ask for! I know lots of people who are married, but I honestly have never met two people who have the relationship that Matt and I have. He knows more about me than anyone else on this Earth, and loves me in spite of my many faults. He treats me like a queen, even when I don't deserve it. There is never a moment of my life that I question his love for me. And, the beauty of it is, I love him back just as much, if not more! We have been together for almost 16 years, and I can't wait for the next 60!

Third, I am so thankful for the amazing family I have. My kids, parents, brothers, and sister-in-law are all loving, supportive, and there for me whenever I need them. Again, I know lots of people who have families, but very few of them have the amazing kind of family I have.

Fourth, I am very thankful for the support network of friends God has blessed me with. I have friends at work, at church, through Matt, from college, from high school, and even from elementary school, that support me each and every day. Each friend I have serves a different purpose in my life, but each one of them serves a very important purpose!

I'm really not trying to sound like I'm giving an acceptance speech at the Oscars! But, I just don't think I stop to thank God enough for the amazing people He's put into my life. So, today, when so many of you amazing people have reached out to remind me that you are a vital part of my life by wishing me a happy birthday, all I can think of doing is thanking Him for bringing you to me!

So, no matter what storms are going on in your life....what has He done for you that you are thankful for??

Rejoice always, pray continuously, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. ~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

It's How You Wait

By no choice of my own, I was up at 5am this morning. Matt's alarm went off, I heard it, and that was it. I was up. And I was thinking, Really? There's no school today, I have absolutely nothing I have to do, and I'm up over an hour before I usually get up? I guess you could say I was NOT happy!

But, I started flipping channels, and Joyce Meyer was on. I really enjoy watching her, so that's what I turned it to. She was telling this story about a muscle car her husband bought and her attempts to get him to sell it. The whole gist of what she was saying was that patience is a fruit of the Spirit and patience is not just being able to wait on something. It's how you wait.

This really spoke to me and got me thinking. I'll be the first to admit...patience has never been one of my strongest characteristics! I'm the kind of person who will take forever to figure out what I want, what I'm doing, where I'm going, etc. But, once I do finally figure it out, I want it NOW! I've really had to make a big time effort to work on that, and I have been for years now. I do think I have become more patient, but I still have a long way to go!

But...hearing Joyce talk about patience made me wonder if I really have become more patient. I've gotten better at waiting for things. But that whole, "It's how you wait" part...that's the part that gets me. The more I think about it...I really pester God...A LOT! When I've decided I want something, or I feel like He's shown me something He wants me to do or a path He's going to send me on, I just hound Him about it until it happens. Everyday I will say something about it while I'm praying. And, at times, I'm not too nice about it. I know what I say to my own kids when they ask me the same thing over and over and over again! It makes me crazy! But, that's what I've been doing myself when I constantly bug God about doing something, showing me something, or giving me something.

I dug into my Bible and found this verse: ...hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not have, we wait for it patiently. ~Romans 8:24-25. And then I found this one: I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope. ~Psalm 130:5. I've read these two verses probably fifty times in the last hour. I've read the verses that come before them and after them to get the whole context within which they were written. What I've come to is that once I've asked God for something, I have to really, truly trust Him to decide what He's going to do. I have to be thankful for the things He has already done in my life while I am waiting on Him. I have to put my hope in His word while I am waiting on Him. I have to use the gifts He has already given me to help people, bless people, and bring Him to people while I am waiting on Him. But, I definitely do not need to nag Him!

See, here's what I know. God's timing is always perfect. If I try to change His timing, that takes the perfection out of the action. I may get what I'm asking for, but it won't work the way He wants it to unless I wait on Him to give it to me. And, if I truly trust Him, His plan, and His timing, then I won't ask for or expect anything other than that. And when I do, I am only showing Him that I do not fully trust Him.

I've never really looked at patience this way before, but I'm glad I have a new perspective on it. I guess in hindsight, that 5am alarm wasn't so bad!

Just Shut Up and Listen!!

I had a pretty amazing experience today that I just have to share with you! Well, I guess technically it was yesterday since it's now 2AM! Anyway, I went to a women's mini-retreat at my church. The topic was prayer, and it was lead by an amazing woman named Annette Sowell, who is a retired minister and is full of inspiring thoughts, experiences, and ideas. She was introducing us to a seven step process that she has used for years to pray. Before lunch, she pretty much gave us an overview of her process and explained each step. We broke for lunch, and when we came back together we spent about an hour going through the process ourselves. She wanted us to experience it at least once before we left.

When it was time to be in our quiet, individual prayer time, I went out into the concourse of the church and found a little spot where I could sit. I started going through the steps of her process one by one. About halfway through it, I was asking God to help me with a really tough personal situation I am going through right now. After I laid this particular issue on Him, I decided to just listen. See, I'm really good at talking to God. I mean REALLY good! I pray all the time! But I kind of suck at listening to him. So that's what I wanted to focus on today. So, I just sat with my eyes closed waiting and listening. After several minutes, I started seeing these images. They weren't really anything I could make out...just kind of flashes and blobs of light and color. But then all of a sudden, I saw the letters in the word "forgive" pass in front of me. To be honest, I was pretty shocked. But, His message to me couldn't have been any more clear! So, I said, "OK, God. I get it. I have to forgive her, and I will."

After I processed that for a minute, I went back to just listening. Again, the flashes of light and color were coming, and I felt like I was even seeing some faces, but I had no idea who they were. And then, out of nowhere I heard Him say, "James." And I thought, "What??" I don't know anyone named James that I can think of. But He said it again, "James." And then I got it. "You want me to read James? Wait, that is a book in the Bible, right? I'm pretty sure it is... So, what part of James do you want me to read?" And I kept sitting with my eyes closed listening for His answer. All I saw was a line of 1's running in front of me. So I thought, "OK...Is it 1:11? 11:1? 1:1?" And He said, "Just get your Bible and see."

So, I got my Bible, found James, and quickly discovered that there are only 5 chapters in it. There is no such thing as James 11. So, I knew He had to be sending me to James 1. I started with James 1:11, and nothing in it really jumped out at me. So, I kept reading, and when I got to James 1:12, I stopped dead in my tracks. It says, "Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him." This verse spoke directly to me! I am definitely enduring trials right now, and God led me right to a place in Bible that tells me that not only can I endure it, but there is something really good waiting for me on the other side! I never made it past that verse during the rest of our prayer time. I just kept reading it over and over again, soaking up the awesomeness of what it said and what I had just experienced!

This is the first time I have experienced something like this while I was praying. God gave me some very important advice and encouragement that will help me get through this situation I'm dealing with, but I think He showed me something even more important than that. He showed me how important it is to just shut up and listen! Prayer definitely has to be a two-way conversation, and I just never have prayed in a way that really allowed me to listen to Him before today. But, I can promise you I will be taking time to truly listen to Him a LOT more from now on!

The Grass is Always Greener...

OK...I know it's been awhile since I've written anything on here. Almost seven months, in fact. I won't make any excuses. Lots of other things started occupying my time, and I just haven't made the time to write. There have been a TON of times that I thought, that would make a perfect blog post, but I just never got around to getting on the computer and doing it. I won't make any promises I can't keep, and I'm not one who's big on New Year's resolutions, but I will say I'm going to try and get on here much more than have I over the past year!

I think it's normal that at this time of year everyone starts reflecting on the previous year. We look back at what we did...and what we didn't do. We look at our success and our failures, our gains and our losses, the challenges we faced and the obstacles we overcame. I think it's also normal that everyone is looking forward to the New Year with all of the possibilities that it holds. It's like a fresh start every 365 days. I've always looked at it that way, too. But this year, I'm looking at it much differently...

I'm sure you've heard the old saying, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. But, isn't it true? For some reason, we are never content with what we have. We always look for something different to make us happy. Around January 1, it's the prospect of a New Year that we look to. The grass during 2012 wasn't quite green enough, but maybe 2013 will have grass that's just a little bit greener.

It would be VERY easy for me to say exactly that, especially after the year we've had! But, guess what? I said that last year after the horrible 2011 we had. We were so anxious to say goodbye to 2011. We were so excited to put all of that behind us and move into 2012. But, 2012 has had its own challenges for us. It has been equally trying and stressful. And it would be so easy to say, once again, "I am SO glad this year is over!" But, not this time!

Here's where my attitude has changed. In 2011, we dealt with a LOT!!! But, when we said that we were so glad 2011 was over and behind us, we were neglecting to recognize all the amazing things that happened during that year. For example, even though Matt was in the hospital for 21 days, and it was one of the most exhausting, trying experiences I've ever had, God went to work during that time. Out of that situation came a new church home for us filled with some of the most caring, loving people we've ever met! And many of them are now very dear friends to us. Had he not been in the hospital, those things might have never happened. And the same holds true for 2012. We have been through a lot this year as well. I could make a list, but I'll spare you the details! But, a lot of really wonderful things have happened too! So, this year instead of saying, "Thank goodness 2012 is over! I'm ready to start over in 2013!" I'm going to say lots of prayers thanking God for the hundreds of ways He's blessed us this year. I'm going to thank Him for using the adversity I faced to make me a better person. I'm going to thank Him for holding me up when I couldn't hold myself up. I'm going to thank Him for giving me a joy that can't be taken away by anything that could ever possibly happen to me. And, I'm going to ask Him to continue to use me and work through me in 2013. Happy New Year!

However many years anyone may live, let them enjoy them all. But let them remember the days of darkness, for there will be many. ~Ecclestiastes 11:8

Just Tell Me What I'm Doing!

The last few weeks have been such a whirlwind for me.

It started with my principal telling me there was a "very slight" chance he may be moving me to pre-k next year. He said he really didn't think it was going to happen, but he wanted to give me a heads-up just in case it did. I really wasn't very happy about the idea of moving to pre-k. First, I was supposed to loop with my K class, and I really didn't want to have to break it to them that I wasn't going to be their teacher next year. And second, I've gotten pretty attached to my teaching partner, we work VERY well together, and I was really sad about not working with her anymore. But, I just started praying really hard for God to put me where He wanted me to be.

Well, not too long after that, my principal told me that I was, in fact, moving to pre-k. I was NOT happy! I spent a lot of time trying to wrap my brain around what was happening and praying, praying, praying for God to help me with that. And...of course...He did! I was able to find some peace with the "divorce" as my teaching partner and I have nicknamed it. I had the very difficult talk with my K kids about next year. I went to some pre-k trainings. I was actually able to start getting excited about this new chapter in my career.

Then...two weeks ago, my principal told me he may NOT be moving me to pre-k after all. My first though was, "Are you kidding me?????" I packed and moved my entire room. I've spent every day since school got out reading about and planning for pre-k. I even had to organize and pack the pre-k room before summer school started. I was finally at peace with moving to pre-k, and now it may not be happening anyway. Can we not just make a decision and stick with it?  Once again...prayers. This time I was praying for God to keep me at peace AND for Him to show me where He wants me to be!! Ugh!

And then on Friday, the final gust from the whirlwind (for now) came. I got a call to interview for a literacy specialist position that I applied for about 2 months ago. I have wanted a position like this for as long as I can remember! My interview is today in about 4 hours! From the minute I got the call, I have so badly wanted to pray for God to help me get this job. But, I haven't. I have continued to pray for Him to show me where He wants me to be.

So, I have NO idea what I will be doing when the school year starts in August! But I am certain that whatever I am doing, I will be there because I listened to what God told me to do! I'm not going to lie though, this is one time when I REALLY hope His plan for me is the same as my plan! But if it's not, that's OK. Like Matt said yesterday, if I'm praying for the right thing to happen, I should be happy no matter what happens. Whether I get the job or not, whether I teach pre-k or K/1, it's what God wants me to do right now, and following His plan is always something to be happy about!

Stay on the lookout for an update once all the dust has settled!

Give me a revelation, show me what to do.
Cause I've been trying to find my way, I haven't got a clue.
Tell me should I stay here, or do I need to move? 
Give me a revelation, I've nothing without You.
~Third Day

Love, Do Good, Bless, and Pray

We all have people that don't like us. We all probably even have people who would say that they "hate" us. We all have people who talk badly about us behind our backs, try to turn others against us, or try to damage our reputation. You may even have people in your life who go so far as to try to hurt you as much as they can whenever possible. It really is amazing how vindictive and spiteful people can be. But...I can't really judge them because I have done all of those things before more times than I care to admit. If someone wronged me, hurt me, talked about me behind my back, or just treated me badly in general, I was the first one to put the "eye for an eye" rule into place. If you hurt me, I'll hurt you back. If you damage my reputation, I'll damage yours.

But not anymore...

Over the last few years, I have become painfully aware that I was NOT responding to my "enemies" in an appropriate way. Sure, it made me feel better temporarily. But, long term...what did I accomplish? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! Except, at some point, it just made me feel worse.

In the last few months, Matt and I have reached a point in our lives where we turn to the bible when we aren't sure how to handle a situation. So, the last couple days, we have spent probably 2-3 hours reading scripture and discussing how to respond to someone who hurts you. (And I mean REALLY hurts you!) From all of our reading, I have landed on four things listed in the bible that God is VERY clear that He wants us to do, and one that is inferred from the countless places in the bible where He talks about how much He loves us and how He wants to bless our lives. The scripture that I'm referring to is this:

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. ~Luke 6:27-28

 The first thing God wants us to do is to love our enemies. I know, I know, this seems impossible to do. I am trying, but I don't know if I'm quite there yet. I just keep praying that God will show me how He wants me to love the people who are my "enemies." The funny thing is, the more I pray for Him to show me how to love them, the less bitter and angry I feel toward them. I may not be ready to love them just yet, but God is getting me there! And, if I keep praying about it every day, eventually I will be able to love them like He wants me to!

The second thing God asks of us is do good to those who hate us. Again...seems impossible! All they do is tear me down EVERY time they get the opportunity, and I'm supposed to do good to them??? Well...YES!!! That's exactly what God is calling us to do! He wants action from us. He doesn't just want us to change our thoughts about those people, but He wants us to change our actions as well. Now, I don't know about you, but I read this and immediately thought, "But no matter what I do, they will throw it back in my face or turn it around to make it look bad on me somehow." Or..."No matter what I do, this relationship will NOT get any better! In fact, anything I do towards this person will probably make it worse!" All of that may be true. But, here's the reality of things: We do not control how someone else reacts to us. We control how we treat them. He will judge us for our own actions, not their reactions. So, He wants us to do good to them, whether that kindness is well-received or not. Again, I am still struggling with this one, but I am working on it and praying about it!

The third thing God wants us to do is bless those who curse us. This one has been the easiest one for me to internalize. Every time those particular people pop into my  head in a negative way, I immediately say a prayer for God to bless them. "God, please bless ______." I say it over and over again, until my negative thoughts are gone. So, I'm really accomplishing two things. First, I am lifting that person up in prayer, asking God to bless them. Second, I am taking away my own opportunity to sit and stew over what they have done to me. I am removing the bitterness and anger before they can really take hold of me. I am focusing on God instead of focusing on the pain and hurt. And, I'm not gonna lie...it is really making a difference for me!

The fourth thing God is asking us to do in this scripture is to pray for those who mistreat us. Again, this has been a little easier for me to do. If I am praying for them instead of dwelling on how angry I am or how badly I was hurt, I am not nearly as likely to get bitter and angry. Plus, praying for the people who are trying to tear me down keeps my focus on God and what He wants me to do, rather than simply following the path my emotions would lead me down.

Now, all that being said, I think there is a 5th thing that is very important for us to understand. We can love our enemies, do good to those who hate us, bless those who curse us, and pray for those who mistreat us without allowing those same people to continue to hurt us. God does not want us to be hurt. He does not want us to be mistreated. He does not want us to be controlled by our enemies. This is why the fifth thing we need to do is establish very clear boundaries in our relationships with these people to keep them from continuously hurting us over and over and over. We have to look at the situation very closely and figure out exactly where those boundaries need to be drawn so that we protect ourselves from the physical, emotional, or spiritual blows that they may be throwing at us. God may want us to forgive and love those who hurt us, but that doesn't mean we have to say, "I forgive you, now do it again and I'll forgive you again."

I am trying really hard to put these things into practice. But...it is not easy! The problem is, now that I am aware that this is what God wants me to do, I can NOT ignore it. I have to do my best to follow each of these things every single day. Some are easier than others, but I am making a true effort to do ALL of them. And, I really hope you can do the same thing! But, don't do it because I told you to. Go into the bible yourself. Read the scripture for yourself. Think about it, chew on it, research it, talk to people about it, and see what conclusion you come to. Then, act on it!

If you come to the same conclusion I did...let me know! I'd love to hear about it! And...if you come to a different conclusion than I did, let me know that, too!! This is very close to my heart right now, I would love to hear about it if you have a different spin on all of this!

The Self-Doubt Monster

Well....the school year is almost over, and I don't think I've ever been so glad to see a year come to an end! This has been an incredibly difficult year for me, and I am ready for it to draw to a close. Every single aspect of my life has been extremely challenging in one way or another. There were days I felt like I couldn't even drag myself out of bed to face what was in front of me. But, I always did. I guess the good news is that every challenge has drawn me closer to God, and I have been able to find immense strength from leaning on Him and letting Him help me through everything. The bad news is that the year as a whole has left me with a lot of self-doubt that I am trying to overcome.

A lot of people are afraid to admit something like that. But, for me, sharing it and working through it like this really helps. I know that my naysayers will take great joy in reading this, but I'm not writing it for them anyway. So, here goes...

The Self-Doubt Monster is on my back in a very real way. As a teacher, you are responsible for the progress of your kiddos, no matter what the circumstances. Most of my kids made great progress this year. But, a few of them did not. I know that I was out a lot in the fall due to family issues, for 3 weeks in December with Matt, and for a week in March with Chelsea. I also know that I had not one, but two student teachers this year, so I didn't teach my class much at all second semester. I also know that circumstances in other areas of my life left me pretty overwhelmed and exhausted 99% of the time, which left almost no energy to put towards school.  But, all that aside, I am still responsible for where they are as the year comes to an end. I just keep thinking that I should have found more energy, more time, more motivation... I absolutely did not give 100% to my job this year...I didn't have it to give.

I know that each day, I gave what I had. But, that wasn't enough. I am not happy with how this year went at all. And, the sad part is that, even though I can sit here and rationalize the whole situation and list the 5 million reasons why my year wasn't what I wanted it to be, I still find myself questioning my abilities. Am I a good teacher? Do I really know what I am doing? Should I try to find a different profession? It may sound silly, but this is what has been resonating in my head the last few weeks.

I think somewhere, way way WAY down deep, I still know that I am good teacher. I have had difficult years before (especially the last 3), but never one like this, and I've always gotten good results. The people who are close to me, who have actually been in my classroom, who have actually seen what goes on, all assure me that I am very good at what I do. And, I really do value their opinions. I just have to get my confidence back so that I can share that same opinion.

So, here's what I'm doing.... praying, praying, praying!! After all, the only opinion that really matters is God's! Apparently He thinks I am good at what I do because He has led me to teaching AND kept me here for 14 years! I've tried twice to leave and do something different, but each time it ended up breaking my heart to be out of the classroom, so I went back. He doesn't make mistakes, and He wants me to be a teacher! I just keep reading scripture that is uplifting and reassuring and listening to music that does the same. Eventually, I will get it. Eventually, I will get out of this funk I'm in. Eventually, life will settle down, and I will be back to 100%. Eventually I will be back to the teacher I know I am. Until then.... I will keep trying not to let the doubt defeat me!

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect in until the day of Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 1:6

From "The Hurt and the Healer" by MercyMe:
Jesus come and break my fear, awake my heart and take my tears, find Your glory even here, where the hurt and the Healer collide.

What Does it Mean to Trust God?

Trusting in God's plan.... What exactly does that mean? Does it mean that we have no say in what happens in our lives? No. Does it mean that we will always be happy with what happens? Absolutely not. Does it mean that we are powerless to control the outcome of any situation? No. Trusting in God's plan can mean so many different things. Sometimes it's easy, but sometimes it's the most difficult thing we have been called on to do. Personally, I have experienced it in many different situations at different times in my life. I may not be 100% correct about what it means to trust in His plan, but I'd like to share what I've arrived at after being faced with several situations back-to-back that left me with no choice but to trust Him.

We have been bombarded the last 6 months with difficult situations: Matt's health, Matt's employment, Ashley, Matt's family, Chelsea's health, my job, and now our pastor at church getting reassigned despite great efforts to keep him by many of our members. (If you've followed this blog at all, you know about all of these except our pastor. However, the rumor mill is responsible for fueling a lot of that fire, so I really don't want to make that the focus of this particular blog post.) In every one of these situations, I got to a point where all I could do was look to God and say, "I trust You!" By doing that, I was never giving up hope or relinquishing my responsibility to do my part. I have had to learn what it means to TRULY trust God in all situations, and it was (and continues to be) far from easy.

All of us have an agenda for our lives. Maybe it's what we are doing today. Maybe it's what we're doing for the next 20 years. But we all have an agenda. I know Matt and I thought we had the rest of our lives mapped out until about 6 months ago. But, God also has an agenda for us. Sometimes, our agenda and His match up. That's when it's easy. That's when we're happy. But, sometimes we want something different for ourselves that what He wants for us. This is when it becomes difficult. We absolutely have the power to keep forcing our own will in our lives to make things happen the way we want them to. We can ignore the subtle messages He sends us from day to day that let us know He really wants us going a different direction. Most of the time, we can actually get what we want by doing this. But, when we exert our own will over God's will, we are, in essence, saying to Him, "Lord, I don't trust you at all, so I'm doing it my way."

What I have learned though, is that my way is not always the best way. For me, trusting His plan means that I know in my heart that He wants what is best for me, whether I agree with it or not. If He is pulling me in a direction I'm not really comfortable with, or even completely opposed to, I have to trust that putting my efforts into making His plan work is exactly what I need to do. I have to find a sense of peace about what is happening around me, and I have to have faith in the fact He has blessings waiting for me on the other side.

Don't get me wrong, there have been many times that I was NOT happy with how His plan unfolded (especially today). I DO get upset and angry about many things that happen in my life. Trusting God does not mean that you are not human. Trusting God does not mean that you are always happy. But, it does mean that in EVERY situation, you move forward thoughtfully and prayerfully and do what He is calling you to do.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and He will make your paths straight.  ~Proverbs 3:5-6

I do want to close by saying that I personally want to wish our pastor nothing but the best in his future endeavors. I pray that God blesses him and his family in ways not one could ever expect or comprehend. He has touched our lives in so many ways, and he will be deeply missed!

The Gossip Train

So, I've really been thinking a lot about something lately. Why do people in general find so much pleasure in talking about other people? I know you have noticed that. Practically everyone does it. Sometimes it it harmless...simply discussing things we've seen or done with others. But, more often than not, it is full blown gossip. When we hear something, we run and tell someone else, especially if the we've heard something "newsworthy." The problem with this is that SO many people get hurt because of things that are said, especially when those things aren't true.

Recently, I've been involved (in one way or another) in three different situations where gossip was running rampant. Two of these situations aren't really things I want to go into detail about, but I can tell you that the rumors that were circulating were extremely hurtful, damaging, and potentially life-altering for the people whose lives were being put on display. The third situation is the rumor mill at school. The old saying, "telegram, telephone, tell-a-teacher" is SO true!! And, this time of year is always the worst! Everyone is specualting about who is leaving, who is staying, and who is changing grades. It's no secret anymore that I've applied for a transfer to another school. It has also become common knowledge that I had an interview last week at a school closer to home. And, although it hasn't gotten back to me yet, it's probably now also well known that I did not get offered that position. All three of these things are factual, so (at least to my knowledge) there aren't any false rumors about me going around. But, I was really amazed at how quickly the news spread. Yes, I told a handful of people what my plans were. So, I am fine with them knowing. That's why I told them. But when people who I almost never see and rarely talk to are asking my student teacher, "Did Stephanie hear if she got that job yet?" I was really bothered.

First of all, it's my business to tell, not someone else's. It's not that I don't want people to know. It's just that I would like to have some level of control over who knows the in's and out's of what's going on in my life. Secondly, gossip that starts out as the truth never stays that way. It always mutates and almost takes on a life of its own. At some point, the rumor mill will be spreading information that is not true at all, if that hasn't happened already. It just doesn't feel good to know that people are talking about you behind your back.

Now...I will be the first to admit that I have been guilty of this myself. But, I will also tell you that I have really been making a concious effort to avoid it. If someone tells me something in confidence, I tell no one. If I hear information second hand, I don't pass it along. If I hear something straight from the source, and the source is OK with me sharing it, I will if I am asked. But, I really try not to go running around telling everyone I see everything I hear. It just isn't right.

I guess I just wish everyone would be a little more aware of who they might be hurting with what they are saying. We teach our students to differentiate between fact and opinion, fantasy and reality. We teach our children that "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." So, my question is....

If we can teach our students and children these lessons, why do we have such a hard time with them ourselves???

The bottom line is, I don't get bogged down in what people are saying about me. I know who I am and what I stand for. I know what is going on in my life and I make sure the people close to me know as well. I know that my God sees me for who I am, and He NEVER joins a gossip train or rumor mill! His opinion is #1, my family's is #2, and my friends' is #3. Anyone else's opinion, quite franlky, just doesn't matter.

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends. ~Proverbs 16:28

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ~Ephesians 4:29

Leaving the Past in the Past??

Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to truly leave your past in your past? I know I have! Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things in my past that I enjoyed at the time, were extremely positive experiences, and I still enjoy remembering. However, we all have things that we have done, things that have been done to us, or situations we simply were a witness to that are not exactly what we would refer to as positive. And the funny thing is...it seems like those negative experiences just won't leave us alone.
I don't want to go into details, but there is a particular part of my immediate past that I am having an extremely difficult time moving past. Every time I think it is behind me, it pops up again. I have done everything within my control to keep it in the past and to not let it affect me anymore. However, as you all know, we are not in control of a large portion of what happens in our daily lives. What we are in control of is how we react to what happens in our daily lives. But...even this...I am struggling with.

I pray almost daily for God to give me peace with this situation. I pray for the people involved in this situation. I pray that they will come to know the same God that I know, in the way that I know Him. I pray that He will intervene in this situation to provide guidance to everyone involved, myself included. I pray that He will show the others involved the true intentions of my heart in every decision I have made regarding this situation. And, I pray for Him to give me the strength to forgive the people in this situation who have hurt me, spoken badly about me, turned others against me, and attempted to draw me away from Him.

But, even within those prayers (that I pray often), I battle a HUGE amount of anger and resentment for the very people I am praying for. When people are constantly trying to bring you down, it is terribly difficult to control your anger towards them, let alone to NOT be angry with them. I can't tell you how many times I have said, "God, please take this off my heart!" I am doing my best to turn this over to God, to trust in His plan, and to find solice in the fact that His opinion is the only opinion of me that matters. But, when you are faced with reminders of these painful situations that keep resurfacing, especially when those situations involve people who despise you with every fiber of their being, it is REALLY tough to forgive the people involved, find a sense of peace with the situation, and move past it. However, I know that is exactly what He wants me to do.

I was reminded of this when I logged on to Facebook this evening, and I read a post from Joyce Meyer. It said, "The past is like a magnet; it's always trying to draw us back, but Jesus wants to draw us forward." I read that and immediately thought that I have never read a statement more relevant to my current struggles!  Dwelling on the past does not help you to move forward. Focusing on anger that you are harboring from prior situations only limits your ability to embrace new situations. You really cannot truly move forward if you are constantly looking behind you. The past is always there. It happened. You can't change it. But, you can absolutely change the direction of your thoughts, feelings, and choices from this moment forward!!

I will continue to pray for God to help me forgive these particular people who have hurt me in so many ways. I will also continue to pray for God to forgive me for the things I have done to them. I will also continue to pray for God to help me forgive them for the pain and hurt they have caused me. I may not be there yet, but I do know that I will never truly be at peace with this situation until I am able to forgive them. I also understand that as long as I am hanging on to the anger that I have for them, and as long as I am not able to truly forgive them, the situation will continue to haunt me. The past will continue to draw me back, and Jesus will not be able to draw me forward.

I think true forgiveness is one of the most difficult tasks we are given, but also one of the most crucial. I am not perfect. It is not easy. All I can do is pray for God's assistance and attempt to make steps towards it every single day. It is a gradual process and, in time, and with His help, I will get there!! In the meantime...I will do the best I can!!

...But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 3:13-14