Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to truly leave your past in your past? I know I have! Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things in my past that I enjoyed at the time, were extremely positive experiences, and I still enjoy remembering. However, we all have things that we have done, things that have been done to us, or situations we simply were a witness to that are not exactly what we would refer to as positive. And the funny thing is...it seems like those negative experiences just won't leave us alone.
I don't want to go into details, but there is a particular part of my immediate past that I am having an extremely difficult time moving past. Every time I think it is behind me, it pops up again. I have done everything within my control to keep it in the past and to not let it affect me anymore. However, as you all know, we are not in control of a large portion of what happens in our daily lives. What we are in control of is how we react to what happens in our daily lives. But...even this...I am struggling with.
I pray almost daily for God to give me peace with this situation. I pray for the people involved in this situation. I pray that they will come to know the same God that I know, in the way that I know Him. I pray that He will intervene in this situation to provide guidance to everyone involved, myself included. I pray that He will show the others involved the true intentions of my heart in every decision I have made regarding this situation. And, I pray for Him to give me the strength to forgive the people in this situation who have hurt me, spoken badly about me, turned others against me, and attempted to draw me away from Him.
But, even within those prayers (that I pray often), I battle a HUGE amount of anger and resentment for the very people I am praying for. When people are constantly trying to bring you down, it is terribly difficult to control your anger towards them, let alone to NOT be angry with them. I can't tell you how many times I have said, "God, please take this off my heart!" I am doing my best to turn this over to God, to trust in His plan, and to find solice in the fact that His opinion is the only opinion of me that matters. But, when you are faced with reminders of these painful situations that keep resurfacing, especially when those situations involve people who despise you with every fiber of their being, it is REALLY tough to forgive the people involved, find a sense of peace with the situation, and move past it. However, I know that is exactly what He wants me to do.
I was reminded of this when I logged on to Facebook this evening, and I read a post from Joyce Meyer. It said, "The past is like a magnet; it's always trying to draw us back, but Jesus wants to draw us forward." I read that and immediately thought that I have never read a statement more relevant to my current struggles! Dwelling on the past does not help you to move forward. Focusing on anger that you are harboring from prior situations only limits your ability to embrace new situations. You really cannot truly move forward if you are constantly looking behind you. The past is always there. It happened. You can't change it. But, you can absolutely change the direction of your thoughts, feelings, and choices from this moment forward!!
I will continue to pray for God to help me forgive these particular people who have hurt me in so many ways. I will also continue to pray for God to forgive me for the things I have done to them. I will also continue to pray for God to help me forgive them for the pain and hurt they have caused me. I may not be there yet, but I do know that I will never truly be at peace with this situation until I am able to forgive them. I also understand that as long as I am hanging on to the anger that I have for them, and as long as I am not able to truly forgive them, the situation will continue to haunt me. The past will continue to draw me back, and Jesus will not be able to draw me forward.
I think true forgiveness is one of the most difficult tasks we are given, but also one of the most crucial. I am not perfect. It is not easy. All I can do is pray for God's assistance and attempt to make steps towards it every single day. It is a gradual process and, in time, and with His help, I will get there!! In the meantime...I will do the best I can!!
...But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 3:13-14
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