Overwhelmed

My first day back at work was, in a nutshell, overhwelming. I'm not really sure why though. It was just a teacher workday, we didn't even have kids. But, 30 minutes into the day, I was on the verge of tears for no apparent reason. I felt that way off and on all day long. I hadn't stepped foot in my classroom since December 1, and after the events of the last month, I just don't think I was emotionally prepared to go back. I spent the entire morning just kind of looking around my room trying to decide where to start. There are SO many things that I need to do in there to get it back to normal. I did a few small things, but I just couldn't wrap my brain around tackling anything big. Just thinking about it exhausted me! Then I had to spend my afternoon getting things rearranged to accommodate my new wall mounted projector. So, after an entire day in my room, it does look amazing, but I am no closer to being ready for tomorrow than I was at 7:00 this morning. But, I have to have something figured out by the time those 18 bright, shining faces hit my door at 8:00 tomorrow...

I have been doing well to keep my head above water here at home for the last few weeks while dealing with everything that is going on. But...now...adding work back into the equation... This is definitely where I enlist God's help yet again. It really hit me today how completely worn out I truly am, both physically and emotionally. And, I came to the (somewhat obvious) realization that I just can't do this alone. I know He will not present a challenge to me without also giving me the means to overcome that challenge, but I feel so completely spent. How many times can you dig down deep for that last bit of energy before there is finally nothing left? I feel like I'm there already, so my only hope is to ask God to hold me up and get me through this. Philippians 4:13 has been resonating in my head all day!! So has this song... (because you all know how much I LOVE songs!!)

"Strong Enough" by Matthew West

You must, you must think I'm strong to give me what I'm going through.
Well, forgive me, forgive if I'm wrong, but this looks like more than I can do on my own.
I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be,
I give up, I'm not strong enough.
Hands of mercy won't you cover me, Lord right now I'm asking you to be,
Strong enough for the both of us.
Well, maybe, maybe that's the point, to reach the point of giving up,
Cause when I'm finally, finally at rock bottom, well that's when I start looking up and reaching out.
Cause I'm broken down to nothing, but I'm still holding on to one thing.
You are God and You are strong when I am weak.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,
And I don't have to be strong enough.

So, this is a little different than my normal prayer request. Today I am asking for prayers for myself. I really need God's help to stay strong and keep plugging along with my job back in the picture. Of course, I hope you are still praying for Matt, too. He isn't feeling well tonight which has both of us concerned. (Every little thing that goes on with him now makes us paranoid that something bad is happening.) But, I need your prayers, too. I need to be able to stay strong enough to be an effective support for him and for our kids. Not going to be easy.....