The Cat is Out of the Bag!

Well, Matt finally made it official yesterday....he is no longer employed by the Dallas Police Department! He put in his resignation, and it was accepted. So...now what?? Well, we are moving forward into the next chapter of our lives! He has accepted a position with a technology company in North Dallas. He is VP of operations for a new company they will officially launch on February 1! I knew all along that his injury was somehow part of God's plan, but I had no idea how the pieces would fall into place during that horrible ordeal in December. I just continued to trust that He knew what He was doing, and He has absolutely shown us He does! We are so blessed to have been led to such an amazing opportunity! I can not praise Him enough for taking care of my family like He is! God is amazing! In the blink of an eye, Matt has gone from having his life threatened day in and day out, to working normal hours in normal clothes in a normal office! He is home every night and every weekend, and he actually comes home in a good mood!

Wait a minute....Did I say "normal office?" I need to correct that. He may be going to work in an office with a desk and a phone and a computer, but his office is far from normal. It is exceptional! He is now spending his days surrounded by people who are not only Christians, but are very openly Christian! They have prayer breakfasts and have been known to open meetings in prayer! They are constantly lifting each other up, rather than the ruthless, cut throat environment he was used to at the PD. They are all truly working together toward a common goal, and God is at the heart and soul of every decision they make. How often do you find that in corporate America??? Again, God is amazing!

I look back over the last 2 months, and I really marvel at the fact that we made it! It was not easy to stay positive and to keep my faith in God's plan and the work He was doing in our lives. But, I just kept telling myself (and Matt) that everything happens for a reason, and that we just had to keep trusting Him. With lots of prayer, and lots of support, we managed to stay true to that. In hindsight, it all makes perfect sense. I really think the only way Matt would have ever left police work was by going through something like this that forced his hand. God knew that, and He had to make it happen to get Matt on this path.

Matt was an amazing police officer! But he was also an amazing soldier when he was in the active duty army, AND he was an amazing firefighter in OKC, AND he was an amazing karate instructor when we had our dojo. He is the kind of person that, no matter what he's doing, he finds a way to be the best! So, there really is no tragedy in the fact that he is no longer a cop. Because, I know that he will, as he always has, be the best at what he is doing now! I am just extremely thankful that God is giving him the opportunity to shine in this new environment where he is safe and uplifted, rather than being in danger and constantly torn down!

Even when things don't make sense, they make perfect sense! Have I mentioned yet that God is AMAZING?!?!?!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. ~Proverbs 3:5-6

My Prayer...

This is the prayer I'm saying tonight...

Father God, please watch over her and keep her safe. Protect her from the people who are hurting her. Show her what a truly amazing God you are, and that miracles do happen. Show her Your incredible love, and that You are there with her, even though she doesn't know it. Watch over her, wherever it is she may be going. Surround all of them with Your compassion and protection.

Father God, please give wisdom and compassion to those who will be watching over her. Give them the eyes they need to see her for who she truly is, the ears they need to hear her cries for help, and the hearts they need to truly love her for the beautiful child of Yours she is. Give them the judgement to make the decisions that will keep her safe and happy.

Father God, please make Your presence known to her caregivers. Find a way to show them the error of their ways. Lead them down a path that will bring hope and healing to their situation. Open their eyes to the pain they are causing her and the others. Surround them with the peace and love that only You can bring to them.

Father God, my last request is that You give her a hug for me, since I will no longer be able to do it myself. In Jesus' name, AMEN.

If you wanted to join me in this prayer, I would NOT object! No names....God knows....

Feeling Thankful!

I just had to get on here and share how completely blessed I've been feeling today! Did anything special happen? No, not at all. But, I have been feeling really happy! I guess I've just been paying a lot of attention lately to all the good things that God has put into my life, and I am extremely thankful for ALL of them today!

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. ~1 Thessalonians 5:18

For starters, I actually had about 2 hours ALL ALONE in my house today! That by itself (as any wife or mother will verify) is a blessing!! After I changed into my jammies (at 6:00!!), I curled up on the couch and caught up on my bible reading. I have an app on my phone that gives me daily readings, so that in a year I will have read the entire bible. I'm ashamed to admit that, although I have been reading it every day, I haven't been fully keeping up, and had fallen several days behind. But, it was SO nice to just sit in the quiet, reading God's word for an entire hour! I used the rest of the time to start on the mountain of laundry that has piled up and to start dinner. I'm so thankful that every once in awhile God gives me these moments to myself to regroup and just relax!

Secondly, I am really enjoying my family! I have the most amazing husband I could ask for! He has such a great attitude right now as we are going through a pretty substantial transition in our lives. He is facing every day with a positive attitude and faith that is nothing short of inspiring! I love the fact that I am lucky enough to be walking alongside him now, and for the rest of my life! Chelsea, Lindsay, and Blake are also bringing me a ton of joy right now. They are each at very different places in life, and each one of them makes me smile every day for completely different, but equally wonderful, reasons. My brother and I have been making an effort to stay in touch way more than we ever have, and I love the relationship that we are developing! My mom is an always-present source of strength and support for me, and I am very thankful that she is now so close to us! And, my dad is now, and always will be, my rock. I talk to him every day, even though he is 3 hours away. I know he's got my back in every situation, and no matter what happens, I can count on him to be there. I'm so thankful that God has put each one of them in life!

Ok...so I know that last paragraph sounded a little like an acceptance speech, but that's really how I feel right now! I know that I wouldn't be the woman I am today if even one of the important people in my life was missing. I also know that my walk with God would be much different if He didn't give me those quiet times to really spend time getting to know Him better. I have done so much posting about all of the difficult situations we have faced recently that I really feel like I need to post about all the positive ways He is working in my life right now, too!

"All Because of Jesus" by Casting Crowns

Giver of every breath I breathe, author of all eternity
Giver of every perfect thing, to You be the glory
Maker of Heaven and of Earth, no one can comprehend Your worth
King over all the universe, to You be the glory

And I am alive because I’m alive in You

It’s all because of Jesus I’m alive, it’s all because the blood of Jesus Christ
That covers me and raised this dead man’s life, it’s all because of Jesus I’m alive
I’m alive, I’m alive

Giver of every breath I breathe, author of all eternity
Giver of every perfect thing. to You be the glory
Maker of Heaven and of Earth, no one can comprehend Your worth
King over all the universe, to You be the glory

And I am alive because I’m alive in You

It’s all because of Jesus I’m alive, it’s all because the blood of Jesus Christ
That covers me and raised this dead man’s life, it’s all because of Jesus

Every sunrise sings Your praise, the universe cries out Your praise
I’m singing freedom all my days, now that I’m alive

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive

What are you thankful for today? Have you told Him yet????

New News

Well...I know it's been over a week since my last post, but I will explain that in a minute...

First things first, though! We got some new news at the doctor on Friday, some good and some bad. But, I am a "glass-is-half-full" kind of girl, so I'll start with the good news! Matt's liver enzymes were almost back to normal! They came down so drastically in the last week, the doctor said he couldn't explain it! He said it was truly amazing! Well, maybe modern medicine can't explain it, but I can! Our God is AWESOME and He has been at work inside of Matt!! The next time you are praying, please thank Him again for the healing He is bringing to my sweet husband!

The flip side of the coin isn't nearly as bright, I'm sad to say. The results from the last few blood draws they did in the hospital finally came in. They have identified an EXTREMELY rare blood disorder in Matt. In fact, only one in 11 million people have it. It is a genetic mutation that causes a factor-5 deficiency in his blood. (Your blood has several different clotting factors that either help blood clots form when they need to, keep them from forming when they don't, or dissolve them when they are no longer needed. He is essentially missing one of those factors.) This means that he is more prone to developing blood clots than the average person. And, now that he has developed one clot, he is 110 times more likely to develop another. So, in a nut shell, he is on blood thinners for the rest of his life. He will have to have scans done every couple months for the next year or so to make sure he doesn't get any more. Then, we will have to see where we go from there. As you can imagine, a diagnosis like this is life-changing for someone who has spent his life getting shot at, kicking doors in, and fighting people into hand cuffs for a living.

But, as we always try to do, we have given this to God. We knew this could be a possibility, but none of the doctors really thought any of the remaining tests would come back positive. At any rate, we have been walking in faith all month and praying to God that He would show us a different path if Matt's health were to keep him from continuing down his current path. We are still faithful and prayerful that He will provide for us and give Matt a new direction. I can't really give details yet, but God is definitely already working on this! Like I said before, our God is AWESOME!! We know He is going to take care of us, and as soon as I can share the details, I will!!

Now, on a different note, the reason why I haven't posted anything in over a week...

Since I started this blog, I have had no problem knowing what to write. I was simply updating everyone on Matt's condition and telling you how God was helping us cope. But, once the necessity for health updates died down, I was a little unsure about which direction to go. I absolutely want to keep writing! Many of you have commented to me (either on here or otherwise) about how you gain something from reading what I write. That by itself is extremely humbling and amazing at the same time! But, if sharing my life experiences and how God works in my life can help someone else even a little, I don't want to stop writing just because Matt is getting better. I have been thinking and praying about it A LOT this week!! I mean, I am not a minister, I have not been to seminary, I don't have any kind of religious degree. I'm just an ordinary woman who loves God and likes to share that with people. So, here is what I've arrived at...

Every day God does something amazing in my life. Even when His works aren't attached to my husband's health, He is still working! So, I'm going to continue to share how He is working in my life. The month of December was one of the largest storms we have ever had to endure, for more than one reason! But, life is full of storms! No matter the size of the storm, I will continue to praise Him. And, if I get lucky enough to have a period without storms, I will still praise Him! When something happens to me, and I can really see God's hand, or I really have to rely on Him to get me through it, I will share that with you. Hopefully someone will be able to gain something from what I write, and hopefully you will join me in praising the God that I know and love!

"In the same way, let your light shine before people, so that they can see your good deeds and give honor to your Father in heaven." ~Matthew 5:16

Better News!

So, we definitely got some better news on Friday when Matt went to the doctor! Apparently, he was given the wrong information on Tuesday. His liver enzymes did NOT go up last week! In fact, they went down...a LOT! When the danger zone is 1000+, there is a huge difference between 960 (what they told him) and 382 (what it really was)! The other enzyme is down in the 60's, which is only about 30 away from being normal! The liver doctor was pretty much amazed at how drastically the enzyme levels have come down. He had really thought it would take several months for them to come down to these levels. He said he really couldn't explain it, but that it was awesome! Well, I can explain it! It's not the test results that are awesome...it is our God that is awesome! He is answering our prayers for healing in one of the most wonderful ways I could have hoped for! If you have been been praying for Matt's health, PLEASE pause right now and say a prayer of thanks to God for starting to heal him!

So, now it seems as if we are mainly battling the clot. There are a few other smaller things going on, but the clot is the big one. We won't know anything more about whether the blood thinners are working or not until about 2 months from now when they do another scan to see if it is gone. We are walking in faith that this clot, just like his liver, will heal in God's time. But, we are also still praying for the clot to heal! Please keep Matt on your prayer list just a little while longer!

The last several weeks have been such a roller coaster ride! We have been up, and we have been down...multiple times. But, one of the highest points through all of this was Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. (If you didn't read about it earlier, you can go back and read the story.) I felt so much love and happiness that weekend. In fact, just thinking about it can bring instant tears to my eyes! And now, I just don't want to let go of that feeling! I think because our Christmas traditions were such a huge part of everything I was feeling during that time, I just can't make myself put the Christmas decorations away! Is that completely silly? I mean, there have been years before when our Christmas stuff was up WAY past Christmas, but that was completely different. Then, it was because I didn't have the time (or didn't make the time) to put everything away. One year, I think our tree was still up at Easter!! (Boy, that was embarrassing to admit!!) But, now it's like...I just want to stay in that moment! I was so completely thankful for the very basic joys in my life. Life just kind of paused for a few days while we all enjoyed each other, feeling completely grateful that God made it possible for Matt to be home, all at the same time that we were celebrating the birth of Jesus.

I didn't even put many decorations out this year. It was pretty much the tree, the stockings, and a few mantle decorations. But, every time I walk through the living room, I see them. I am automatically taken to the memories we made this year...the ones I will NEVER forget! We were on the verge of such a tragedy, but it turned into one of the most perfect holidays we've had. Now that we are getting back into the full daily grind of our lives, I just want to make sure that we remember what it really is all about. I know I can't leave the tree and stocking up forever...well, I guess I could, but then I would turn into that weird lady down the street who keeps her tree up all year and has Christmas lights on in July! But for now, I'm keeping them out. Maybe next weekend I'll put them away...

Overwhelmed

My first day back at work was, in a nutshell, overhwelming. I'm not really sure why though. It was just a teacher workday, we didn't even have kids. But, 30 minutes into the day, I was on the verge of tears for no apparent reason. I felt that way off and on all day long. I hadn't stepped foot in my classroom since December 1, and after the events of the last month, I just don't think I was emotionally prepared to go back. I spent the entire morning just kind of looking around my room trying to decide where to start. There are SO many things that I need to do in there to get it back to normal. I did a few small things, but I just couldn't wrap my brain around tackling anything big. Just thinking about it exhausted me! Then I had to spend my afternoon getting things rearranged to accommodate my new wall mounted projector. So, after an entire day in my room, it does look amazing, but I am no closer to being ready for tomorrow than I was at 7:00 this morning. But, I have to have something figured out by the time those 18 bright, shining faces hit my door at 8:00 tomorrow...

I have been doing well to keep my head above water here at home for the last few weeks while dealing with everything that is going on. But...now...adding work back into the equation... This is definitely where I enlist God's help yet again. It really hit me today how completely worn out I truly am, both physically and emotionally. And, I came to the (somewhat obvious) realization that I just can't do this alone. I know He will not present a challenge to me without also giving me the means to overcome that challenge, but I feel so completely spent. How many times can you dig down deep for that last bit of energy before there is finally nothing left? I feel like I'm there already, so my only hope is to ask God to hold me up and get me through this. Philippians 4:13 has been resonating in my head all day!! So has this song... (because you all know how much I LOVE songs!!)

"Strong Enough" by Matthew West

You must, you must think I'm strong to give me what I'm going through.
Well, forgive me, forgive if I'm wrong, but this looks like more than I can do on my own.
I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be,
I give up, I'm not strong enough.
Hands of mercy won't you cover me, Lord right now I'm asking you to be,
Strong enough for the both of us.
Well, maybe, maybe that's the point, to reach the point of giving up,
Cause when I'm finally, finally at rock bottom, well that's when I start looking up and reaching out.
Cause I'm broken down to nothing, but I'm still holding on to one thing.
You are God and You are strong when I am weak.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,
And I don't have to be strong enough.

So, this is a little different than my normal prayer request. Today I am asking for prayers for myself. I really need God's help to stay strong and keep plugging along with my job back in the picture. Of course, I hope you are still praying for Matt, too. He isn't feeling well tonight which has both of us concerned. (Every little thing that goes on with him now makes us paranoid that something bad is happening.) But, I need your prayers, too. I need to be able to stay strong enough to be an effective support for him and for our kids. Not going to be easy.....

Some Not-So-Great News

When Matt was in the hospital, the main things that alerted the doctors to the fact that his liver needed a closer look (which ultimately led to the discovery of the blood clot) were the steadily climbing liver enzymes. However, the last few days of his hospital stay, they started going down. This was a good thing! The doctors said that once they start going down, they almost never start going back up again. They anticipated that the enzymes would steadily decrease over the next few months until they returned to normal. Well...little did they know that my husband seems to be the king of things that almost never happen!! Everything about this illness has been things that almost never happen...But, they happen to him!

Staying true to that distinction, his liver enzymes are on the rise again. Matt has been getting blood drawn once a week since he left the hospital. They are checking all the usual stuff, but mainly focusing on the things related to his liver. The good news is that the tests that show his liver function are still completely normal. The bad news is that his liver enzymes are not only rising, but they are higher than they ever were in the hospital. So, what does this all mean? It just basically means that something is still irritating and/or damaging his liver, but not to an extent that his liver can't function. Please continue to keep him in your prayers! It is a little scary that this is going on, and if the tests start showing that his liver function is being effected, he will have to be hospitalized again. We knew we weren't completely out of the woods, but we definitely thought we were a few steps closer than what it seems like we are. God has been helping Matt get through this all along, and we definitely need His strength and guidance right now!

They are now having Matt get his blood drawn every 3-5 days rather than once a week. He will see the liver doctor again on Friday, so hopefully we will find out a little bit more then. The hard part for me is that since I go back to work tomorrow, and since I'm already getting docked for about 10 days of work, it is just not realistic for me to continue going to his appointments with him. He has weekly appointments with the liver doctor and biweekly appointments with the primary care doctor. I just feel like these appointments are so important...I really want to be there with him. (Too bad we aren't just independently wealthy, so that I could take off whenever I need to!) So, I need some prayers as well to help me deal with not being able to be there for Matt like I feel I should. To be honest, I'm still really hoping that somehow we can figure out a way I can be there with him!!

So, once again I am here with a pretty substantial prayer request. I really thought I was done with these for awhile. I'm trying not to get discouraged, but I'm not going to lie...it's hard. I just want him to be better!! Or at least moving in the right direction. Personally, I am praying for God's help to stay positive and to not get discouraged. I know we are going to get through this. I really believe there is nothing Matt and I can't get through together! But, this was just a blow I was completely unprepared for! God, please keep holding me up!!!