It's How You Wait

By no choice of my own, I was up at 5am this morning. Matt's alarm went off, I heard it, and that was it. I was up. And I was thinking, Really? There's no school today, I have absolutely nothing I have to do, and I'm up over an hour before I usually get up? I guess you could say I was NOT happy!

But, I started flipping channels, and Joyce Meyer was on. I really enjoy watching her, so that's what I turned it to. She was telling this story about a muscle car her husband bought and her attempts to get him to sell it. The whole gist of what she was saying was that patience is a fruit of the Spirit and patience is not just being able to wait on something. It's how you wait.

This really spoke to me and got me thinking. I'll be the first to admit...patience has never been one of my strongest characteristics! I'm the kind of person who will take forever to figure out what I want, what I'm doing, where I'm going, etc. But, once I do finally figure it out, I want it NOW! I've really had to make a big time effort to work on that, and I have been for years now. I do think I have become more patient, but I still have a long way to go!

But...hearing Joyce talk about patience made me wonder if I really have become more patient. I've gotten better at waiting for things. But that whole, "It's how you wait" part...that's the part that gets me. The more I think about it...I really pester God...A LOT! When I've decided I want something, or I feel like He's shown me something He wants me to do or a path He's going to send me on, I just hound Him about it until it happens. Everyday I will say something about it while I'm praying. And, at times, I'm not too nice about it. I know what I say to my own kids when they ask me the same thing over and over and over again! It makes me crazy! But, that's what I've been doing myself when I constantly bug God about doing something, showing me something, or giving me something.

I dug into my Bible and found this verse: ...hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not have, we wait for it patiently. ~Romans 8:24-25. And then I found this one: I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope. ~Psalm 130:5. I've read these two verses probably fifty times in the last hour. I've read the verses that come before them and after them to get the whole context within which they were written. What I've come to is that once I've asked God for something, I have to really, truly trust Him to decide what He's going to do. I have to be thankful for the things He has already done in my life while I am waiting on Him. I have to put my hope in His word while I am waiting on Him. I have to use the gifts He has already given me to help people, bless people, and bring Him to people while I am waiting on Him. But, I definitely do not need to nag Him!

See, here's what I know. God's timing is always perfect. If I try to change His timing, that takes the perfection out of the action. I may get what I'm asking for, but it won't work the way He wants it to unless I wait on Him to give it to me. And, if I truly trust Him, His plan, and His timing, then I won't ask for or expect anything other than that. And when I do, I am only showing Him that I do not fully trust Him.

I've never really looked at patience this way before, but I'm glad I have a new perspective on it. I guess in hindsight, that 5am alarm wasn't so bad!

Just Shut Up and Listen!!

I had a pretty amazing experience today that I just have to share with you! Well, I guess technically it was yesterday since it's now 2AM! Anyway, I went to a women's mini-retreat at my church. The topic was prayer, and it was lead by an amazing woman named Annette Sowell, who is a retired minister and is full of inspiring thoughts, experiences, and ideas. She was introducing us to a seven step process that she has used for years to pray. Before lunch, she pretty much gave us an overview of her process and explained each step. We broke for lunch, and when we came back together we spent about an hour going through the process ourselves. She wanted us to experience it at least once before we left.

When it was time to be in our quiet, individual prayer time, I went out into the concourse of the church and found a little spot where I could sit. I started going through the steps of her process one by one. About halfway through it, I was asking God to help me with a really tough personal situation I am going through right now. After I laid this particular issue on Him, I decided to just listen. See, I'm really good at talking to God. I mean REALLY good! I pray all the time! But I kind of suck at listening to him. So that's what I wanted to focus on today. So, I just sat with my eyes closed waiting and listening. After several minutes, I started seeing these images. They weren't really anything I could make out...just kind of flashes and blobs of light and color. But then all of a sudden, I saw the letters in the word "forgive" pass in front of me. To be honest, I was pretty shocked. But, His message to me couldn't have been any more clear! So, I said, "OK, God. I get it. I have to forgive her, and I will."

After I processed that for a minute, I went back to just listening. Again, the flashes of light and color were coming, and I felt like I was even seeing some faces, but I had no idea who they were. And then, out of nowhere I heard Him say, "James." And I thought, "What??" I don't know anyone named James that I can think of. But He said it again, "James." And then I got it. "You want me to read James? Wait, that is a book in the Bible, right? I'm pretty sure it is... So, what part of James do you want me to read?" And I kept sitting with my eyes closed listening for His answer. All I saw was a line of 1's running in front of me. So I thought, "OK...Is it 1:11? 11:1? 1:1?" And He said, "Just get your Bible and see."

So, I got my Bible, found James, and quickly discovered that there are only 5 chapters in it. There is no such thing as James 11. So, I knew He had to be sending me to James 1. I started with James 1:11, and nothing in it really jumped out at me. So, I kept reading, and when I got to James 1:12, I stopped dead in my tracks. It says, "Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him." This verse spoke directly to me! I am definitely enduring trials right now, and God led me right to a place in Bible that tells me that not only can I endure it, but there is something really good waiting for me on the other side! I never made it past that verse during the rest of our prayer time. I just kept reading it over and over again, soaking up the awesomeness of what it said and what I had just experienced!

This is the first time I have experienced something like this while I was praying. God gave me some very important advice and encouragement that will help me get through this situation I'm dealing with, but I think He showed me something even more important than that. He showed me how important it is to just shut up and listen! Prayer definitely has to be a two-way conversation, and I just never have prayed in a way that really allowed me to listen to Him before today. But, I can promise you I will be taking time to truly listen to Him a LOT more from now on!